Soo, here's my essay...comments please:)

rohan2k6
Thu, 12 Oct 2006 01:51:15 +0000

sorry ddjones07, but I have to disagree. You are right in asserting that universities aren’t looking for foolproof, pulitzer-prize quality essays, but they don’t want to have to re-read THE SAME thing, over, and over, again. I was at an information session at Duke my sophomore year, and my regional rep blatantly told me, “the essays I read are BORING. I always hear about the service trip, the soccer championship, leadership position x…etc.”

I’m not saying that smartterturtle is off to a bad start; all I’m saying that they’ve chosen a topic that happens to be really popular and common amongst applicants. if they want to gain a competetive edge in the admissions process, then they really need to present their ideas and illustrate their “passions” for such things in a relatively original and unique way. See, right now they’ve jotted down really really vague things like, “i spend a great deal of time with music,” (HOW MUCH TIME?) or “music has given me an extended family.” (WHAT???) and also Smartterturtle has thrown in things like, “ND also has a good faith base.” I mean, that’s just a random, obsequious idea just thrown in there. I suggest that she/he focus on solely one idea and expand on them. Have you had a unique experience within band/NASA that has really driven your passion? Focus more on the painting in the elementary school hall way or on listening to the Fighting Irish band play “Living on a Prayer.” That’s why I suggested looking at anglswings’ essay because she really elaborates on the concrete details and gives them solid attention in a really clear and enjoyable manner. Anyways im sounding redundant, and I hope my criticism isn’t too destructive, im just trying to help…