Soo, here's my essay...comments please:)

ddjones007
Tue, 10 Oct 2006 13:50:04 +0000

Actually, smarterturtle, I think you have the guts of an excellent essay, with a little tweaking. The fact that your passions are twofold, to me, is a plus. You strike me as someone technical, and yet artistic as well. That is an excellent combination. I am in awe of people who have the academic drive and dedication it takes to excel in science and engineering–we need them in our society! I am even more impressed by those who have the left brain stuff, but are still articulate and have an added dimension to them. I would embrace it if I were you!

If I were you, I’d keep the two halves you have, and try to rewrite them with a little more passion to them. When the number of words count, best thing to do is go through and see which sentences and thoughts can go, without sacrificing from your bigger meaning. Do the same with the second half. Now, you have gotten rid of the chaff, and can focus on expounding on your central themes. Don’t worry about wasting any words on the transition between the two passions, either. If you are direct in your points, it won’t matter.

You are a technical mind with a passion for music–what a wonderful combination!

Good luck with your essay…