Stick it out or transfer in the fall?

blossom
Mon, 28 Oct 2019 18:53:34 +0000

Megan, you don’t seem to want advice or perspective. Which I get- you are fans of the college, thought it was a great fit, but your son doesn’t seem to be clicking with the place. I totally understand your frustration.

But if you don’t want outsider perspective on what’s going on- why post???

There are dozens of colleges where there’s tons of support, faculty really cares about the students, with great academics and zillions of clubs and organizations to join. None of this is unique. So what’s the downside of your son exploring somewhere else?

In my experience, there are a couple of situations where transferring needs to be off the table even if the kid is unhappy. 1- Kid got a fantastic financial aid package, and none of the other packages even came close. So transferring would impose a huge financial hardship on the family. In that case- kid needs to figure out a strategy for making it work. 2- Kid has a serious, chronic illness and needs to be close to his/her medical team, and the current college is the only one where this could work. In that case- kid- you have your entire adulthood to live anywhere you want. But right now, while you are transitioning from childhood to adulthood, you need to be close to your doctors and care team. So make it work. 3- Parent has a serious illness, and kid has family responsibilities (to an elderly grandparent, to younger siblings, etc.) Kid going further from home would impose a severe hardship-- mom’s chemo is on Fridays so college kid can pick up younger kids from school, manage the household until Sunday night when mom can take over again. In that case (and I’ve seen a few situations like this) the college kid might be miserable but nobody in the family is likely going to know about it- college kid is mature enough to keep things together for the sake of the family.

Anything else? Kid doesn’t like the frat scene? There are hundreds of colleges where the frats are minimal, or at least all off campus so you don’t have to deal with them. Kid doesn’t like the religious overtones? There are hundreds of secular colleges. College too small? hundreds which are much bigger. Etc.

So unless you would face extreme financial hardship if your son transferred- why the insistence that he needs to love this place which he’s not loving? He STILL needs to make an effort to make connections and friends- but what’s the harm in transferring? And maybe he needs less support now than you think he does???