Terrible U Penn Essay please read!

anonymouse_12345
Fri, 24 Dec 2010 14:51:51 +0000

^^I agree, although I do have my doubts that somehow who genuinelly wanted to get into XYZ college would be stupid enough to plagiarize someone else’s essay. Although certainly, its much better to air on the side of caution.

I think the problem is a lack of cohesion (not necessarily a lack of voice), it sounds a bit like a laundry list. Also I disliked the “couldn’t imagine not…”. Perhaps a better alternative could sound a bit like “I couldn’t imagine a Penn experience without being a part of the Daily Pennsylvanian…” or something like that. For some reason, I have an aversion to “could not imagine not…” it just sounds awkward and is a double negative. But other than that, I thought it was good and I didn’t think it lacked voice at all.

But of course, these are just suggestions and might not be good/you might prefer your essay without them!