the freshman *fifty*

Emaheevul07
Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:17:30 +0000

My thyroid stopped working while I was in college and I gained about fifty pounds, having never been overweight before a day in my life. I was horribly ill the entire time I was in school and could barely eat because of it and it just seemed so unfair that I was /gaining/ weight. I gained weight for different reasons than you did, but it was still agonizing to feel so out of control and have to deal with what it was like being “fat” when I’d never had to worry about that before-- and I gained SO MUCH.

My dad and my paternal grandparents are really hot about health-- it’s completely unfair because they all smoked like fiends up until the last two decades or so and drink excessively and abuse pain meds, but since they’re not fat they’re OBVIOUSLY superior. And all of the women on my moms side of the family are overweight, so to them it was just sort of like “welcome to the club” which was probably even more upsetting.

You have a huge leg up over me in that what caused your weight gain is fully within your control and you have a lifetime of practice with healthy habits. I never had that-- I ate my first vegetable in college. I had to learn the hard way with no parental guidance once I was already overweight, and I have to grapple with keeping my thyroid and my metabolism in check or else I gain again and no amount of exercise or healthy eating makes a difference. You have had years of experience eating right and exercising and doing what you need to do-- so you just need to slowly start working your way back into those old habits. It’s not like you can never have a slice of pizza like before, but you can find a middle ground. Don’t starve yourself, that just makes your body hold onto calories more. Talk to your doctor for advice, and maybe even your dad. He just wants the best for you-- I’m sure he loves you either way, and he’d be so proud to know that you still care about being healthy and that you’re willing to work on it.

As for the self-esteem, what I told myself is that it is 100% NORMAL for my weight to fluctuate. I am a human being, and I am a woman, it is just a fact of life that in some periods of my life I am going to be heavier than others. And that is okay! I had to forgive myself for that and let it go. I bought cute clothes that flattered my figure the best I could, I took care of my hair and my skin and all those other things that made me feel good, and I started working towards getting the weight off again. I really think you have to find a way to love the body you have before you can change it healthily. I didn’t LIKE being as overweight as I was, but I taught myself not to resent myself for it-- I think that’s important.