Thoughts on my college app essay?

heisenberg2016
Sat, 20 Jun 2015 00:31:07 +0000

I’m answering the first prompt on common app but please let me know if it would fit a different prompt better.
So here’s the gist of my essay.

I wrote about how I was pretty much a failure freshman year of high school. Then I talked about something that happened before the start of sophomore year(learning how to drive) and I talked about how I improved my grades ( something along the lines of if I don’t get good grades, dad won’t allow me to drive, and I really loved driving, I know it sounds dumb but… True story). Then I moved on to how my love for driving got me interested in cars in general and eventually my interest for motorsports, race cars, formula 1, etc. lots of research, watching videos, learning about the cars, led me designing my own race car (not an actual one, but on paper like blueprints). From that experience I wanted to become an engineer because I had a dream of building the best race car ever( sounds cheesy…idk). My goal of becoming an engineer motivated me to work hard in school. I fell in love with physics and math, and I just worked my butt off. Finally, I concluded with how my interest for cars and driving contributed to my acedic ambitions and wanting to work hard for my goals.
My main concerns:
Does it answer the prompt well?
Is writing about my acedemic improvement redundant?
Does it sound genuine?
Does it make sense?
Are you convinced that I’m willing to continue working hard?
Finally, if you were an admissions officer would you want me as part of the student body?
Thanks.