Troubled and Realizing Some Things About Myself

bree093
Thu, 16 Oct 2014 03:13:52 +0000

Hello everyone,

This is my first time here an for all that care about grammar deeply, I apologize but I feel that as long as I get out what I’m about to say then it will be fine. Now, getting to the problem, I’m sure every single one of you has read a post from someone having a hard time in college well I guess I’ll be another post added to the list. My story starts out like this, I’ve been going to community college for two years (started after high school in the fall) and I don’t have an associate’s degree yet. I was taking some photography and other types classes that I really enjoyed and would have had my photo certificate now, if I had taken another two semesters before transferring to my dream college that I’ve worked so hard for. I earned good grades and got on Dean’s List three or four times after my last semester, which was this passed summer. I was taking classes non-stop after two years of community college. I was tired of the community college setting and decided to transfer to my dream college because I thought I was prepared enough and I had most of the credits and classes finished so I thought why not. I started this fall and after the first month I was not thinking it was going to be this tough. I was going for Psychology, but after two weeks of the hardest scientific foundations in psych. I had a “D” and I was so frustrated I was just prepping myself so I could do better next time, but it didn’t look like I could pull through it so I decided that Psychology wasn’t it for me because I don’t want to read case studies in graduate school and such I wanted to counsel and help individuals with their problems. I went to the advisors office told them my problem with psych and we decided that since I have half of social work classes done I could go for that degree and if I wanted to change I could, but eventually I will have to decide my major soon because I’m almost nearing the end of sophomore year. She also put me in a better psych class that’s considered an elective for social work. I’m taking two psych classes, human sexuality and child development. After a month and half of starting this semester, I have been depressed and fearing for my future because I got an E on my first test in human sexuality and I’m fine in the other class, which is surprising because I don’t really pay attention that much just write notes down and participate in group stuff when I have to. Now, backtracking just a bit, before community college I was in private school for 12-14 years, always have been a “B” average student. I realized that I’ve been babied in my education up until now because I’ve never really had to do too much work like my classes are demanding of me now. That makes me sad. I know my parents look out for me and sacrifice, but it’s not like I didn’t know that I was kinda or maybe just all together a financial burden because in the past before high school I got special education because there were some things I couldn’t pick up on and I had on and off paid tutoring from the people who have taught me since second grade. Again, after two years of going non-stop at community college, I’m feeling less ambitious, but I still want to give this semester at the university a shot I don’t want to go down without making a big shot at something so I can say I did try at least. My friends think I’m going through a “burnout” because I haven’t really taken a break in who knows how long and obviously holidays and class cancellations don’t count. I don’t want to fail my mom most importantly. I know I’m not the world’s greatest daughter, but she knows I try and I don’t want to fail her or myself. She’s invested a lot in me that’s why I feel like I owe her. I’m applying to many jobs so that if I do fail this semester I can pay her back. This whole experience has taught me a lot about myself that I can’t cram or wait for a teacher to give me a study guide or tell me what’s going to be on the tests. I have to do that and it’s making me wonder if I’ll even get a bachelor’s degree in social work or something because I don’t seem to be doing too well now. I’m more tired than usual during this semester and my thoughts trouble me at night. I feel like I will fail even if I give my best at something in these classes. Like when I was in that scientific principles psych class, I stayed up all night to correct and finish that paper that I worked so hard on and the next day when I turn it in to see later that night what my grade was, it was a “D”(which is why I transferred out of that class). I always over think many things and this experience has made me think of my future a lot will I do well or will I conform to failure, depression, and struggle. I’m clueless of how life’s going to go for me, but let me know what many of you think, besides the fact that I’m freaked out.