UC Admissions Essays Prompt #2 FEEDBACK!

qialah
Sun, 07 Aug 2011 13:31:13 +0000

It’s not bad, but see if you can do less “telling” and more “showing.” Give an example of how shopping as made you more “adventurous.” Elaborate on the process you went through to take the $2 shirt to a dress–that’s intriguing. See if you can make this more colorful and fun–right now it reads a little clunky and flat, which is exactly the opposite of the message you’re trying to send.