UC Personal Statement Essay.

<p>Would anyone be willing to read/critique my first personal statement? Any and all input would be greatly appreciated.</p>

<p>Also, I'm having difficulty with the word limit. I know we're supposed to have 1,000 words total between the two statements, but I have 660 words in my first one, alone, and I don't see how I could write a 340 word essay for my next one :/. I am sort of "wordy", but 500 words is really short for an essay in my opinion. So my question is: Do they have to be essays? Or could I have my first one be an essay and my second one be a few paragraphs regarding any hardships I've overcome? </p>

<p>Anyways, any help would be great. Thanks!</p>

<p>Whatever you decide, make it come from the heart.</p>

<p>I have written my first personal statement, and I would say it definitely comes from the heart, but I would love an unbiased critique and/or opinion as well. If anyone could help me out, that would be great. I can e-mail it or PM it anytime.</p>

<p>I don't think just writing paragraphs is a good idea. It's probably better to think hard about where you can cut 40 words or so in the first and then write 400 words for the second. It doesn't have to be 5 paragraphs, but it should have some structure.</p>

To cut down on wordiness (because I am insanely wordy too haha, I already have 800 on my 1st one--BAD!!), just print out a copy of your essay, take a pen, and go through to edit out which sentences are just useless. (Even though they may seem useful, whole sentences sometimes are just extra fluff and cut away from the focus of the paper.)
And in the case that you write like I tend to, try to be more direct and save a few words here and there. An example is something likee: "Some like to call it crazy, but I like to call it normal." Here (this isn't from my essay haha) just reduce the words to this: "Some call it crazy, but I call it normal" or something like that. Just go thoruh and trim the fat off the steak, so to speak lol.</p>

<p>I actually wouldn't mind giving your personal statement a quick run-through. If you tend to be wordy, you just have to try harder to be more concise. Being concise is a skill just like riding a bike.</p>

<p>Symphony, I PMed it to you. I'm not entirely sure if it worked, so I'll try sending it one more time just in case. Let me know what u think :).</p>