UC Prompt 2, help critique please please!

cathereeene
Fri, 11 Nov 2011 01:51:03 +0000

Thank you everyone for your inputs! I wrote less about my childhood and more about my volunteer work, and so if anyone has the time, can you please give me another input on it? It did become longer, but please bear with me!

As a child, I loved venturing out into the cold darkness of Halloween night in search of candy. Through the excitement of trick-or-treating, I became a more determined and passionate person. That may sound odd; how could candy be so influential? Surprisingly enough, it taught me that determination and perseverance leads to worthwhile incentives in the end.
During elementary school, I always went trick-or-treating with my friends. We walked through countless neighborhoods, asking for a treat, until they became tired and wanted to quit. I, on the other hand, was not tired; I was the one who wanted to keep going, to continue working for my reward. I was willing to, literally, go the extra mile to get a better reward. When my friends complained of aching toes, heavy bags, and weary eyes, I persevered and motivated them to continue on. I used silly reasons to keep going like, “But guys, think of the chocolate!” or, “What if they’re giving out king-sized candy bars?!” They always laughed at my reasons but nonetheless came along and we accomplished our goal of getting troughs of candy.
When I grew older, I dropped the activity of trick-or-treating, but the values that I gained through it persisted. Now, instead of trick-or-treating, I volunteer and instead of my reward of candy, the reward that I want most is the accomplished feeling I get when I know I have helped someone, made their day, or simply made them smile. At the elementary school where I spend my Mondays at, I help children from kindergarten to the sixth grade with their homework. Most of the students I work with are in the after school program because they find it difficult to grasp concepts. Regardless of how often they want to quit, how they feel hopeless in being able to understand their homework, I still encourage them to continue on, to persist in the path of knowledge, and to not give up. I want to see their facial expressions when they understand a confusing concept. I want to see them smile, accomplished at what they were able to do. I thrive on those feelings and that motivates me to work harder and actively in my community. I do not mind having to do extra work or give up extra time. If it means that I can help a student work hard and do their best, then that is enough motivation for me to give back to my community.
Trick-or-treating taught me that hard work leads to good results, whether it is candy or a smile. I learned how to be a better leader and a diligent person. I enjoyed how I was a strong worker, a person with determination to get a job done right, and I am thankful that I retain those traits to this day. I am a person who is willing to do what it takes to accomplish something, help lead others to an ultimate goal, and strive for the best. Trick-or-treating may seem like a silly activity children participate in but I considered it as an unconventional teacher, and an excellent one at that.