UC Prompt 2, help critique please please!

johnstuartmill
Sun, 06 Nov 2011 19:41:08 +0000

I would be more specific on the volunteer work!

Besides that, try to be less repetitive. You explicitly talk about how trick-or-treating has helped become more determined in EVERY paragraph. Try to be more concise. Maybe you should let the story show this, and only in the conclusion strongly state the impact of this activity…