Unappreciative gift recipient

science_fiction
Tue, 28 Feb 2012 17:27:12 +0000

I have a niece - a bona fide the world revolves around me princess and a brat.

All these years, I gave her gifts on all important occasions: birthdays, school graduations, holidays, etc never to hear from her. I have only boys. She is the only girl in the entire family, so I guess I pampered her bit. The straw that broke the camel’s back moment happened when she entered college.

I collected matching black pearls for 6 months, went to the jeweler and had him made one of a kind set of earrings, a ring, pendant, and a bracelet with solid gold and diamonds. I designed the whole set, and I dare say, I actually have a very good taste in jewelry: I design all of my own, and get ample compliments from friends. When we all gathered to celebrate her transition into an adult hood, I gave the set to her.

Her response: Oh, I don’t like to wear things like these. Her mother (my sister in law) then said "well, if you wear them with you black sweater set, they may not look that bad.

I challenge anyone of you to come up with a better story.

That was the last gift I ever gave her.

After she entered the college, she only contacted me whenever she needs something - expecting me to take care of her as if she were my own daughter. I don’t respond anymore. In fact, though she is going to a graduate school right in my backyard, I never invite her or goes to see her. I have no further communication with her. I have had enough of this bratty and selfish girl. I would rather invest in a perfect stranger who is more deserving.

My mother in law regularly practices re-gifting of the most awful stuff that she save for, literally, decades, but I don’t feel too bad about this since she does the same to her own daughter and son (my husband). I love my sister in law (my H’s sister), and we regularly regale ourselves exchanging most hilarious re-gifting stories about my mother in law.

I educated my kids on the following axiom for gift giving.

(1) It does not matter how much you spend, but pick a category where you can get the best quality of something within your budget. If you only have $10 to spend, get the best tiny box of chocolate those $10 can buy. Don’t ever try to mask your lack of generosity with a low quality bulk.

(2) don’t ever give gifts because you feel you have to put a check mark on the ledger. If you do give, do it out of goodness and joy, and get something you wouldn’t mind getting from others if you had a similar taste as the receiver.

(3) don’t ever give a gift in a way that diminishes the dignity of the receiver. One of my close relatives used to give gifts with a commentary “I am sure you can’t afford this on your own, so I got it for you” OK. most people are not that clueless, but there are a lot of ways of giving gifts and actually making the other person not so warm and fuzzy being on the receiving end.