Unique Why Penn Essay

stuckinthemuck15
Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:52:14 +0000

As I’m no longer deluding myself into believing that I will actually work on my English essay (Screw it, I’m tacking a mental health day onto the vacation), I did finally read the essay and for the most part agree with Venkater.
The essay does convey a great deal about the way you think and your values and discusses a very concrete accomplishment. I disagree with EAD; you address the manner in which Penn matches you by portraying your entrepreneurial spirit as a manifestation of and counterpart to elements of Penn’s program (and vice versa). However, i think you tend to reduce many of those elements to vague abstraction without giving concrete illustration. For instance, it’s all well and good to say such and such embody’s Ben spirit and that said spirit connotes for you versatility, multidimensionality, etc, but it doesn’t address specifically how these are traits are manifested outside of reiterating the type of program (single-degree/joint).
Additionally, I think some of the creative elements could potentially work against you. The dialogue seems more than a bit contrived, sometimes silly.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think it is strong overall and when I say it may work against you, I mean in the sense that it detracts from the essay’s impact, possibly nullifying it or at least making it less likely to act as a tip factor in your favor, not in the sense that it is so egregious it would really hurt you admissions chances. Also, I’m sure I’m guilty of similar vagueness in my own essay, which probably comes off as very utilitarian.

That said, EAD, do you mind if I also see yours?
I more or less agree with rs that mentioning features of the campus or the surrounding environment can appear somewhat superficial or suggest the applicant lacks a clear idea of what the university truly has to offer, especially if its just of the “I writhe in ecstacy at the mere mention of ‘insert quirky subject of undergraduate superstition/hub of activity’” variety, but the same can be said for just about any other choice of subject matter, facets of the Huntsman program included.