Virginity and Going Away To College

mythmom
Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:15:43 +0000

These posts seem to reflect many embedded attitudes about sex. Some of us think sex is dangerous. Others of us don’t. Some of us link sexual behavior with acting out and it becomes a form of acting out; others don’t.

Yes, we can find sad stories about young women having sex and hurting themselves in many ways.

We can also find many stories of young women having sex and having very constructive lives.

We often see what we look for.

During my adolescence my parents were a very destructive force. Having relationships, some sexual, some friends, with young men did empower me to move away from my parents’ abuse.

My life has really been a footnote to that, a process of building a constructive life. I am stable, married, employed and mortgage paying, a responsible member of society in every way. I doubt if that would be the case if I had stayed in the destructive family unit my family created.

We really can’t generalize from anecdotes. Yes, not from my either. Just one perspective.

My D’s boyfriend’s parents thought she was leading him astray because she thought he should take the junior semester in Germany he was longing to do, go to law school as he wanted and not feel pressured to return to VT. She was painted as a jezebel; this was independent of sex, drugs, alcohol. She was just too “bourgeois” for their taste.

Well, the kids did break up and BF did return to VT without going to Germany or law school. Good thing he dodged those bullets.

I wasn’t worry about what was going to happen. If D wanted to live in VT in a subsistence hippie way, more power to her. If she wants a high power urban lifestyle, more power to her. If she wants to refrain from sexual activity or engage in sexual activity, more power to her. She’s a level headed girl, and although sad (and I know girls like this, many actually) the above story is, it has nothing to do with my D.

BTW: My S was 17 when he went to school too. I wasn’t concerned.