Virginity and Going Away To College

Whatapainthisis
Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:06:27 +0000

I wanted to add a few things in light of the turn this discussion has taken.

First of all, because of a late birthday, my daughter will still be only 17 when she goes to college, in fact for pretty much the whole first semester. So as to “consent”, she will legally not be “an adult”. But she will encounter male adults.

Secondly, about some of the posts that I think equate sex with female empowerment, sort of taking the bull by the horns.

My daughter’s best friend used to say that she’d wait until marriage, would not use drugs or alcohol. These two were closer than sisters. Her friend moved across the country in the 7th grade, but they maintained their bond. She’d come up here to visit in the summer to see her mother and we even took her camping. But things changed a couple of years ago. Let me tell you why I have found my child sobbing…

Since living with her father, with a very absent mother, some things have happened to my daughter’s best friend. First she got a boyfriend. That’s normal. They were together for a couple of years, she “loved” him, and they stopped short of sex. Then she met some kids and began to drink with them. She decided that she was going to break up with him, but since she liked drinking, she decided to have sex with him first. Her logic was that she’d rather lose her virginity with someone that she was in a relationship with because she really thought that she might one day wake up drunk and find that she’d done it. So she had sex with this boyfriend of two years and dumped him. He pined for awhile. She moved on to some heavy drinking which resulted in seizures, you can find pictures of her on myspace with bongs and vodka bottles taken with her “new friends” in her bedroom. One kid’s mother paid for a hotel for the kids to party in, and the mother got loaded and started beating up the kids. Of course the kids couldn’t tell what happened. They pile into cars without seatbelts, drunk. They steal. My daughter got a call that her friend made out with another girlfriend for a bunch of boys.

My daughter feels as if her friend died. Maybe she did. If my parents told me that I would have to start paying for the plane trip across the county if I want to see my mother after my 18th birthday, I’d probably be that way too.