What causes people to be bisexual?

corranged
Wed, 11 Apr 2007 23:40:32 +0000

These are common questions. I’m not an expert, but I will try to answer them to the best of my understanding.

Example: Jane is serious about her boyfriend John, then decides she is bisexual and breaks up with him for girlfriend Liz. But the situation with Liz is not stable because there is always Jane’s attraction for guys. How does Jane attain a stable family life, which is what most people, eventually, want?

Your reasoning is faulty. You could say that heterosexual Jane will always have an unstable relationship with John because of her attraction to other men. That’s not the way commitment works. If someone is bisexual, they do not need someone of both sexes, which seems to be what you are implying. A bisexual person in a relationship will face the same temptations as any straight person in a relationship. There are always other people–this isn’t limited to gay, straight, or bi. A bisexual person is open to having that stable relationship you talk about with a man or a woman. They are open to a relationship with either sex, but they do not need relationships with both. Does that make sense to you?

And how does she cope with family and friends who would feel much more comfortable if she was firmly in one slot or the other?

It is the family’s problem if they don’t feel comfortable with a bisexual member of the family. A bisexual person would cope in the same way any gay person copes, generally by trying to explain and trying to maintain peaceful relations. It is unfortunate that gay and bisexual people need to deal with their family’s issues.

I think I would wonder, who are you? why can’t you decide?

It is not a matter of not being able to decide. Bisexual people have made a decision. The difference is that their decision is that, for them, physical sex doesn’t need to be a determining factor in a relationship. Bisexual people I know say that they look much more at who the person is and the capacity they have for a loving and stable relationship than they do at the individual’s physical sex.