What is my essay missing?

Lipp7260
Sun, 07 Jul 2013 10:57:09 +0000

I would make your thesis stand out a little more, and work on topic sentences for each of your body paragraphs.

But most importantly, you are missing varied sentence structure. Your first body paragraph is one sentence long! and your second body paragraph is two! Why not split that up into a combination of simple, compound and complex sentences?

Your paragraphs should be

Intro (1-2 Sentences) (you have 1)
Body Paragraph ( 4-6 Sentences) (you have 1 and 2)
Conclusion( 1-2) (you have 1)

“Demonstrates variety in sentence structure” is one of the expectations for a 5.