What's your ideal funeral?

Theregoesmyhero
Tue, 12 Aug 2008 23:28:24 +0000

Okay, here’s how it’s going to go down:
(keeping in mind that this wil have been arranged in secret beforehand with the funeral service directors, pre mortem)

It will be a quiet but large funeral, on a barren, grassy hill overlooking the ocean. My loved ones attend wearing black as is traditional. My casket lies on a raised stage, and there are black banners around the rows of benches for the mourners to sit. It is a solemn occasion, and the funeral procedes as most do…

Half way through my eulogy the casket is opened for viewing, and the crowd (I hope there’s a crowd…) peers to view what remains of my earthly container. Only to find in shock…

A large firework.
With my ashes in it, as I was, in fact, secretly cremated at the last moment.

Pointing straight towards the heavens.
And the fuse is burning…

As the fuse shortens the perfectly measured piece of rope my pre-recorded voice booms over the loudspeakers: “I may be dead, but you aren’t! Let’s celebrate life and PAR-TAY!!! Whoooo-yeah!”
At the end of this brief self-memorium the firework launches into the sky and erupts, spreading blue and white light across the darkening evening and filling it with thunder, even as other rockets stationed around the area lift off. The black banners fall to the ground, revealing disco and dance lights behind them that pulse around the mourners. A DJ comes out from behind the stage and begins to lay that funky music down. Etc, Etc.

It’s better to remmember that one was alive and happy then to broad on the fact that a loved one is no longer with us.

…of course, if I can’t afford any of this, just put me under a tree. Any tree. Just not an Oak. That’s pretentious.