Who would like to critique my rough draft

yukster
Fri, 30 Dec 2005 08:57:57 +0000

Ddotdes, your writing style is good. I noticed a few grammatical errors (“…around the kitchen table had led me…” and the comma in “Heartbroken, I told her…”). I think you’re focusing a lot on recounting your experience, and less on what you’ve learnt from it. It would be nice if you could balance that out a little. Hope it works out! :)