Why do cool kids dislike nerds and introverted people?

BreadBasket
Mon, 23 Aug 2010 12:42:41 +0000

So - in an effort to actually HELP this person or those who find this thread in the future and badly need it, could we list some specific “social tics” or “socially repulsive habits” as well as how to overcome them? Often, a person isn’t even aware of these things.

If you have some of these habits,it might be a good idea to devote some time to ridding yourself of them. There’s no need to make a big deal out of it or confess them here. Just quietly take note and give yourself a clean slate. Start fresh. You’re old enough now to consciously practice changing bad habits or things you might not even be aware of doing. Things such as staring at people, talking to yourself, humming constantly, picking your nose, not bathing enough, talking about one thing incessantly, constant complaining, being a sore loser, being obnoxious, bragging, always being late, not pulling your weight, being a know-it-all… these things turn people off, but they can be worked on and fixed. You can intellectually learn better ways and practice them like any other skill.

On the other hand, maybe you just have some quirks. Find people who are into these things, and have a blast - but don’t just focus on that forever. If you love a certain TV show, find the TV on campus with a group around it who won’t miss it, and join in. The trick is that after you hang out with them a few times, it isn’t about that anymore. It’s about the shared experience and hanging out with those people.

This is something that seems really obvious, once someone points it out to you. Focus more on the people you’re with than the activity. When you look back on it, what’s important are the funny things that were said or good conversation you had, rather than what you ate, right?

Also, even if you are an introvert and naturally need solitude to recover from social interaction, you might also be the sort of person who needs social interaction to energize yourself and get yourself out of your own head & feel better. Even the dreaded “chit chat” can work this way. It’s the same skill you need to make it through a long sermon, lecture, or presentation at work: if you actually pay attention and focus, it will stop being so boring and the time will pass more quickly.

Ease into socializing by doing things where you’re not forced to interact consciously: going to movies, studying together in the library, throwing a frisbee, playing tennis. Try not to be self-conscious & feel like every word is being judged. Relax and do more listening than talking. If you stutter over a word, it’s not the end of the world, just move on.

As a former high school nerd, I took FOREVER to learn these things. Hopefully you can skip a few painful years and do better.