Why does it seem like nobody's looking to make new friends?

quitejaded
Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:46:18 +0000

Okay, I have had similar situations. I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN. Here is what has helped me a lot…

1) Focus on people who ARE your friends. Who ARE inviting you to things. Pay attention!! That guy you think is a nerdy boring loser… he mentions an event he’s going to and he likes you enough that he’s chatting with you and he mentioned it to you… that counts as an invitation. Ask when it is and that you might check it out!!! Or someone invites you to something via facebook, sounds fun? GO!! And chat with the person who invited you. I mean, these little things count. You need to FOCUS on the people who ARE making EFFORTS to reach out to you. You HAVE to focus on these things if you want to increase your network and friendships. I don’t know how to explain how it works in a post right now, but if you focus on what you do have and start enjoying it, you will not be as DESPERATE for what you don’t have and things will just seem to flow better.

2) Invite people YOURSELF. Do things you think are cool. You are already attending events now that you are focusing on people who DO like you. Extend the invitation. If they say they are busy, who gives a flip? You are just extending the invitation. Make this a habit. Make it a habit to do things you like, connect with people who like connecting with you and simply extending the invitation.

3) Get involved with a community you like. This took me a LONG time. I couldn’t find a community I like, but keep searching and give it your best shot. Give each community a chance. When you find the one you like, be active in it.

4) If you are serious about having friends, make sure to connect with at least 1 person daily. Call your mom. Call your old HS friend. Call the girl who you were supposed to meet up with to study last week and you forgot. Just something and make a personal connection.

Those are my 4 tips. I went from loser to relatively happy. I’m just so overwhelmed with graduation stuff that I have not been focused on my social circle at all, but it is to the point where I do not need to have any focus or plan in order to feel satisfied socially when I need it!!

P.S. One more tip, get interested in other people. If they are busy, get interested in WHY they are busy. What is it that is occupying their life? What is it that they seem to CARE SO MUCH ABOUT?? Now, you know what is important to them. You can start sending them invites to things they care about. Links to articles they’d enjoy. When you chat with them, you have something to chat about that they give to bird craps about. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Focus on THE OTHER PERSON.