Why is Penn so staggeringly bad at marketing itself to applicants?

rushandcrush
Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:28:03 +0000

Change name from “University of Pennsylvania” to “Wharton University”
Consistently refer to itself as “The First University of America” and not “One of the Oldest”
Work towards establishing a rivalry with Princeton that can be comparable to that of Harvard and Yale.
Improve sports teams, namely rowing and football.
Relocate from Philadelphia to New York City (lol jk but seriously…)
Start placing Wharton University into teen angst movies. For instance, in X teen movie, “Oh my god Beverly my Wharton rejection letter came into the mail yesterday, xo xo xo i’m so sad cri cri let’s go to starbucks.”
Curing cancer in the med school wouldn’t be bad.
Dump acid on half of the buildings on campus (you know, the ugly ones)
Have a real mascot. Quakers remind people of oatmeal. And *** is up with the weird fish thing on the shield?
Increase size of library so Penn can boast, “We have the largest library.” And STOP telling everyone on tours that Harvard won’t lend to you. It only makes you look worse and Harvard look better.


I love Penn. I’m just poking fun. Don’t flame me -hides face-