worried about depressed daughter

knc
Thu, 26 Oct 2006 02:26:58 +0000

First semester freshman year my roommate had a nervous breakdown. Over six or eight weeks she moved from happy to withdrawn to catatonic.

I spoke to my RA & to the house faculty advisor who both told me to give her time to adjust, and advised me to stop being so judgmental of my roommate. I went to the Dean of Students who said: “dear, ALL freshmen would like a single room, but that just isn’t possible.”

I did what I could to cheer her up thinking she was just unhappy being away from home. I brought my roomate to our campus center for ice cream one day. She sat with a cone dripping over her hand, and when I encouraged her to eat a bite she pushed the cone into her face. The other kids helped me clean up my roomate & bring her back to our room.

A day or so later her parents called when my roomate was not in the room. They very innocently asked how their daughter was, and I am sure they expected me to say “fine.”

But even as a 17 year old I understood that the combined wrath of my RA, my Faculty Advisor, the Dean of Students, and my roomate’s parents paled in comparison to the seriousness of my roommate’s condition.

I told my roomate’s parents I thought their daughter was not OK, and that they should come to see her right away.

They arrived four hours later. One brief look and they packed up their daughter’s belongings and took her home. She spent several months recovering at an inpatient facility.

Her parents sent me a kind thank you note and the Dean of Students called me to his office and apologized for not listening better. There was no such thing as a mental health professional on campus at my school in 1974.

I think it’s good that your daughter is calling to cry on your shoulder; although I understand how hard it is for you.

I encourage you to get to know her roomate(s). Driving the gang to Target is always a hit with my daughter & her roomate.

I casually mentioned to my daughter’s roomate that I am always available if she should have a problem that she can’t discuss with her own parents. I would be shocked to hear from her, but I hope that opens the door wide enough for her to call if my own daughter is ever in serious trouble. My own roomate might have received care sooner if I had even met her parents once.

I agree with the posters who encourage your daughter to tough it out for the semester. But if she can’t, she can’t, and it won’t be the end of the world. She will simply have to regroup and begin again somewhere else.

I think the quote is “a mother is only as happy as her least happy child.” Please take care of yourself. You have two other children who need their mother. Do what you need to do to keep yourself strong and healthy.