Would you check out my essay please?

jc2009
Sun, 11 Jan 2009 14:06:01 +0000

This is my college essay, I would like to get some feedback on it if you wouldn’t mind, my teachers liked it but I don’t know if it is really even that good. PM’s would be cool to, any form of feed back would be great…thanks =]

“Falling Through Time” by jc009

The ticking of the clock,
As the time spins around
I’m falling from a majestic grandfather clock
The grandfather of time…of my time.

Images on a movie screen flash, flash…
They appear, barely recognizable
A fading blur in the misty air
I’m frozen in flight, consumed by memories.

I catch a glimpse of a happier time.
I am four years old and free of worries.
My mom’s face splits into a wide smile,
Healthy, vibrant, full of life.
Those precious times when we never left each other’s side.
Singing “Lime in the Coconut” through any weather.

I’m shocked back in reality, and falling further away.
The clock spins violently out of control,
Soundless, motionless. I’m frozen again,
Another memory has pulled me under.

I am six, and with my mom
A different time, a different place.
Not the kitchen in which we sang,
But a place for the diseased,
A nursing home, from where she is sure to never return.

Again, I’m brought back to my pain-stricken time,
Falling through the rain-drenched air
The memories swirl, awaiting my halt
Once again, I’m sent back to the world I left behind
Now, I’m eight, and the disease has progressed
I stand beside her, in her bed of feathery cotton.
I heard the words, spoken for the last time
The words I long to hear again to this day.
A simple “I love you” escapes her lips.

And then I never heard them from her again.

And now I’m back, falling further still
The hands slowing down to a sluggish pace.
Time is running out.
But there is still enough,
For just one last memory.

Back in the present,
My current and continuous remembrance.
I’m standing in the same place I stood eight years ago,
The same place I heard those final words
Now, I look, and see her, but she’s not the same
She’s merely a body, a shell of her former self,
Alive by a solitary feeding tube.
The tears I have fought to hold back since the beginning
Are trickling down, like grains of sand in an hourglass,
Upon her hand, clutched in mine
I’m trapped in this memory for infinity.
Eternal.
Everlasting.
Forever.

Continued on Next Page

“Shattered Dreams”

The poem I attached to this essay contains the only memories I have of my mom that I can remember. She was thirty years old when she was admitted to the nursing home, I was only six years old. At that age, I didn’t really know any better. I still saw her a couple times a week (My parents were divorced), she still talked…there was nothing really different. Then her condition worsened, and two years later she stopped talking altogether. Of course, at eight I was finally told that she had Multiple Sclerosis and would no longer be able to speak. The years passed and as I grew healthy and strong, she became worse and worse
The older I got the more aware of my mom’s condition I became. I’ve learned that she can live as long as she has a feeding tube, with no hope to recover. With this news she lost her own dream of becoming a famous actress as well as seeing me grow up. I, however, have lost the dreams of having her attend my high school graduation, see me off to college, witness my college graduation, be at my wedding. I have also lost any dream of hearing her speak again. The last words I heard her say were “I love you”, and I have not left those words.
Despite her condition, I went through school happy, the way I knew she would want me to. I went into high school as a freshman with a totally clean slate. I knew right then and there what I wanted to accomplish. I worked as hard as I could to receive honors and be accepted into the advanced program. I joined numerous clubs such as literacy team, math club, yearbook, drama, and yearbook, student council to keep me active in the school community. I later worked up to become assistant stage manager of crew, achieve honors in my honors classes, social committee boy in student council, and president of FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America). I have taken an interest in the humanities (outside of the United States), philosophy of ancient thinkers, ancient European culture, mathematics, science, creative writing and other areas of English. I am interested in learning the cultures of places outside of the United States (especially the language). I dream of snorkeling and exploring the Great Barrier Reef, climbing Mt. Everest, hang gliding over the Grand Canyon, step dancing in Ireland, exploring the pyramids of Egypt, visiting the seven wonders of the ancient world and skydiving under the northern lights.
I want to do be an author, a traveler, a teacher, an engineer, a pilot, an actor, a director and a girl’s mister wonderful. I want to do everything my mom couldn’t do, be everything she couldn’t be, see everything she couldn’t see, learn everything she couldn’t learn. I want to live my life in a way she never could, like I know she would want me to do and knows I can do. I’m going to live my life to the fullest and it all starts in the fall of 2009.