You Know You're A Smithie When.... (encore)

TheDad
Sun, 15 May 2011 19:30:23 +0000

Previously posted in July 2006.

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You Know You’re A Smithie when…
Conveyed to me via Daily Jolt:

http://sophia.smith.edu/~hhingsto/YouMightBe.html

I don’t even know what a “nalgene” is.

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You know you’re a Smithie if…


You have a homemade patch sewn on your jacket/bag/jeans/hat, all of the above.
You can count your heterosexual friends on one hand.
You’ve ever had to console a friend for getting a B+ on an essay.
You’ve been to more than 5 vigils in your four years.
You’ve been to more than 5 walk-outs in your four years.
You’ve ever used the words: ‘normative, social construct, hegemony, problematic, imperialism, or post-structuralist’ in more than one conversation.
You diss people who go to UMASS, Hampshire, Mount Holyoke and Amherst.
You’re afraid to go to Holyoke and/or Springfield although you’ve never been to either place.
You own a nalgene.


9.5. Your nalgene is covered with so many stickers that no one can tell what the liquid is inside of the nalgene.

9.75. At least one of those sticks is a rainbow flag, inverted triangle, Venus sign, human rights campaign, and/or ani difranco/alix olson or random band sticker.


You know that Turn it Up is better than B-Side…when really, downtown sounds is the best.
You can tell what region of campus someone is from just by looking at them.
Half of the first years in your house have shorter hair now then they did when the first arrived, dyed their hair, their noses are pierced, have a tattoo, hooked up w/ one of their friends, and/or ‘finally’ came out of the closet.
You double-take when you see men, automatically thinking they are just butch or binding.
Your favorite word is empowering. “I wiped my ass today. It was so empowering”.
You “feel” like it’s March 15th.
You go to a party off-campus and expect public safety to show up.
Your second favorite word is “issues”. “We all have ‘issues’”
You no longer notice the noise of the 2am dance party on the floor above, the overplayed hip-hop music the next room over, or your phone ringing for the person who moved houses two semesters ago.
You find yourself thinking your bathroom at home has too little “character".
You actually begin to believe that the Republican party is responsible for all the evil in the world.


21.5. You think all democrats are a herd of conformist, thought policing, and intolerant sheep.


You yearn for grilled cheese sandwiches like there’s no tomorrow.
You philosophize about whether wearing that dirty sweatshirt is truly more or less agreeable than dragging your laundry down four flights of stairs.
You don’t judge when you need to do laundry by when you run out of underwear, because you don’t wear underwear.
You’re disappointed when you get home because there is no vegan cutlet. The very idea!
You’ve ever used unnecessary acronyms when talking to people who do not go to Smith…and are confused when they are confused.
Whenever you hear a young male’s voice (in class, in your house) you jump/arch your neck/run to see it.
During room draw, one of your housemates cried at the possibility of having a roommate sophomore year.
At least six of your daily conversations begin with, “So today Ernest Benz (or other prof’s name) did such and such…”
You know where the Man House is and have been flashed by one of its’ residents1.
Homework parties are cool! Really…
You have seen a giant vagina dance around in the quad at least two years running (Celebration of Sisterhood).
The college president comes to tea at your house with THE SMILE.
Target (via the PVTA) is a really exciting place.
You’ve sledded down Bedford Terrace.
You eat whipped topping topped with whipped topping for dessert.
You know the words to Gaudeamus Igitur.
You notice the scent of a young man (in your house, in class) from more than 3 feet away.
You’ve been stared down by a squirrel or two.
You’ve had discussions about/contemplated having sex behind the staircase in Neilsen.
You catch yourself saying “I feel–”
You’ve ever said “oh, that’s so heteronormative,” even if you are straight.
You no longer freak out when you professor explains that the mean on the exam was a failing grade, but that this is good because it means you didn’t really earn the failing grade.
You begin to believe that all boys are timid creatures afraid of walking alone, going into a coed bathroom, etc.
You’re not afraid to go, “ewwww boy” with a boy (often a stranger) right there.
You can snuggle up your friends and not be looked at funny (even with you’re straight).
Normal dinnertime conversation consists of sex and other such things.
You complain that you can’t get to bed at night because your ‘brain is overactive!!’
Your first year you gained the firsty-five (+), and now you are losing weight exponentially due to your recognition of what you are actually eating.
You have been to at least one professor’s house.
You have nothing better to do than be reading this list RIGHT NOW.
Everyone around you is neo-nazi democrat, but not as liberal as those Hampshire students.
You find yourself rummaging through your wardrobe to find that scandalous fruit of the loom accessory for convocation.
You live on green street and order pizza from college pizza just to see the male sex.
Have S.A.D., but not just in winter…go figure.
Feel worthless unless you have two jobs lined up for the summer, an internship during every effing break, and at least minimal contact with some alums in high places.
You don’t want to show your parents your transcript.
You freak out that you got a B, and not the A+ you might have gotten at another school.
You realize that grade deflation makes your paltry 4.5 in high school look pathetic.
You get the midnight-2 AM (4 AM?) giggles and run around your floor naked purporting to take a shower, and asking if anyone nearby will take one with you! (tequila suggested but not required).
Bi-polarization fluctuating like a steep sign curve. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! followed by ‘damn effing hell, die die!’.
You have a love hate relationship to academia.
You get the feeling that smith is a nunnery, but that you have sinned, delightedly so.
You are disgusted with the gender binary system.
You flash acronyms around like ‘HONS!’ ‘JYA!’ ‘SGA!’ ‘PVTA!’ (or PUTA), ‘RC!’, ‘HCA!’, etc
You have an unrequited interest in politics: i AM the elections, dammit! and George W. just ran all over MY self-interest…
DAMN. THE. MAN.
You have a paradoxical fascination with becoming a drop-out stay at home mom/baby-making factory.
You admire the ladies who came before you: BARBIE BUSH, NANCY REAGAN, JULIA CHILD, MADELINE L’ENGLE, GLORIA STEINEM, SYLVIA PLATH…
You plan your ivy-day outfit from the day you step onto campus.
An overall sense of satisfaction that you go to one of the most grueling schools in the nation, and are ALIVE.
If you’re a friendster whore connected to the entire campus.
You complain about the distance you have to walk to class.
Dinner sucks-always.
You use “out” as a verb.
You feel instead of think everything.
You have a preferred tattoo parlor.
You’ve ever used the phrase "well speaking as a (insert noun here)…
You think that house booty is bad booty.


79.5 You’ve had it anyway.


You check the jolt as often as your email.
You get burnt out every semester, but during winter or summer breaks you can’t wait for school to start again.
You eat strange meals late at night: ramen with mountain dew is just one example.
Somehow at midterms or finals you always have more papers, exams, presentations or reports than the number of classes you are taking – like # of classes ^2.
sleep? what?
The mere mention of the word ‘tea’ sends you into spasms of delight.
You are thinking that this list is, in some way, offensive.
You have made out with a girl or thought of making out with a girl.
You’ve developed the compulsive urge to correct EVERYONE’S grammar and spelling ALL THE TIME.
The sound of a spoon against an empty glass makes you stop everything you are doing and makes your ears perk up.
You know that done is better than good.
You have to petition to live off campus.
You and your friends have a contest to see who has the most homework.
You expect baked Brie twice a semester.
College inspired you to learn to knit.
Finding out what’s for dinner (from the 2eat man) is the best part of your day, even if dinner sucks.
You think menstruation is a house event.
You can’t say “salad bar with assorted dressings” in anything other than a Boston accent, regardless of where you are from.
You leave campus and think “that girl’s really cute” and it’s a 14 year old guy
You start feeling guilty because you like looking really feminine.
You think “that guy’s really cute”, but it turns out that “that guy” is a woman.
You feel left out because you’ve never had a SLUG moment.
You’ve never had a boyfriend who was smarter than you.
You find yourself in paradise pond too many times for comfort.
You make passes at girls who wear glasses.