Young Marriage

hokiemama24
Tue, 20 Jul 2021 13:19:18 +0000

1Rubin:

They don’t want time and distance to kill a good relationship.

I think this is the sign of the relationship’s “maturity” for lack of a better word and what I would be concerned about if it were my child telling me their plans (though I’m not so sure I would voice those concerns to anyone but my husband unless asked!) because marriages simply have to be able to weather the “time” factor. The “honeymoon phase” they are in doesn’t last forever, and not everything will happen according to their planned timeline (they may plan to have kids at XX stage and then are faced with the wait of infertility, he may plan to be at XX executive level by YY and then isn’t, etc). If the relationship is only “good” because they are physically together (or if they already fear a test of its strength) than I’d probably be worried about its foundation and encourage them not to marry just to avoid the unknown of adversity because the adversity will still find them at some point during their marriage regardless of whether they head this first test off at the pass. Experiencing how each other faces adversities can be a very good thing to know so early on in a life long relationship.

I’d also be very cautious of defining a relationship in terms of status (Ivy league degrees and resumes for high income and bright careers).

Finally if they are asking for advice, I might steer them in the direction of discussing the order of priorities of their continued college endeavors as it pertains to their marriage. If he is working while she is in dental school, and then expects for her to be working while he attends grad school, what happens if “life” follows a different path and doesn’t allow the opportunity for the reversal of roles or get his MBA slowly (evenings and weekends over many years) while working, etc. Saying you are willing to make sacrifices to stay together is easy now but being able to avoid feelings of resentment or regret later doesn’t always come as easily.