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Is This Normal? Second Guessing Choices

ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
edited November 2012 in Theater/Drama Majors
For those that have been through this process or those experiencing it now, have you had moments when you second guessed your child's choices for schools to apply to? After a somewhat disappointing visit and interview/portfolio review, I'm wondering if she has chosen wisely. There is one school in particular that she pulled from her list, but now I'm really wondering if she should just go ahead and apply. In retrospect, I wish we had visited some of these schools while she was a junior. After the last two weekends, she has discovered that she likes the urban environment more than the suburb type feel. I guess that's what has me questioning, well that, and some comments that were made to her in the interviews over this weekend. Ugh...why does this have to be so difficult?
Post edited by ugadog99 on

Replies to: Is This Normal? Second Guessing Choices

  • glassharmonicaglassharmonica Registered User Posts: 3,090 Senior Member
    My advice is to cast a wide net. It's a little more work now and marginally more expensive. But a wider net means more choices in April, and possibly more financial leverage. So I would recommend more applications. She can always visit the schools in the spring after acceptances come through, to further refine her choices.
  • EmmyBetEmmyBet Registered User Posts: 2,934 Senior Member
    ugadog, most of us have felt just as you are now. It IS difficult.

    I am on the side of applying to lots of places for lots of options in the spring. I agree with people who say enough is enough in terms of application fees, etc. But I think that is more if kids want to add more and more very similar schools only because they're afraid of getting rejected. If there are attributes that they are still weighing or they think they may need to make complex choices based on their admissions results, I think adding a few schools that could make important characteristics available in the spring is a good idea.

    I always say, the thing that's most difficult to do is suddenly to apply to new schools in the spring. Some people do manage to find spots in rolling schools way past deadlines, but it's very rare. The best gift an applicant can give him/herself is to have applied to a good-sized, varied group of schools. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to, but you can't go somewhere you didn't ever apply.
  • austinmtmomaustinmtmom Registered User Posts: 2,356 Senior Member
    I agree with glassharmonica and EmmyBet. Casting a wide net is a good thing. We didn't visit all the schools on my D's list before she applied. As a matter of fact, we didn't visit most of them. And things can change from the fall to the spring. As my D went through the process, what she was looking for became more clear to her. Thank goodness she decided to add one more program to her list, because that is where she is very happily attending.
  • ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
    Austinmtmom, that's kind of the direction I'm going. I'm wondering if this final school is one where she might really fit. I think we will discuss it again.
  • Gwen FairfaxGwen Fairfax Registered User Posts: 2,435 Senior Member
    Totally agree with all the above-- it's not hard to send out a few more apps now, especially if you're going to Unifieds. This is such a time of change-- and for an 18 year old, a time of heading into the unknown. I don't think I know a kid who didn't refine--or radically change-- his or her idea of what was wanted over the course of senior year. And in the end, the atmosphere of the program itself is probably the most important thing-- that's something that you don't know for sure about until you're there. (Though, you'll have a sense from visits and auditions.)

    I think it would be odd not to second guess yourself, what with all you learn about the programs and about yourself over the course of the year!

    PS-- crossposted, but D added one and removed 3 over Christmas break. Makes sense really.
  • ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
    Whew...glad to know this is normal. I think she'll be reconsidering a couple and maybe adding one soon. Thanks for the reassurances!
  • EmmyBetEmmyBet Registered User Posts: 2,934 Senior Member
    Just to be clear on all sides - if your D does get accepted to her #1 ED school and all that does is make her heart sing, then be glad and celebrate with her. My D1 fell in love with one school, applied ED, got in there and never looked back. Throughout her search process, everything continued to confirm that this school was right for her, and she had a marvelous experience. She has said since (2nd year out of college) that she would have had a great education and a fine life if she'd gone elsewhere, but that she feels so fortunate to have found a school that was so right for her (and vice versa). It took so much stress out of her senior year to have that question settled early.

    I do think a huge percentage of kids need the year to sort out their options and needs. My D2 never could have committed to a school in the fall. I just want to tell my D1's story in case this thread is making it look like no one should decide early. I know ugadog's D has applied ED to a school she loves, and I don't want Mom second-guessing if the answer is yes in a couple of weeks. It's all good!
  • ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
    Thanks, EmmyBet. IF she gets that ED acceptance, all will be right with the world! There will be no second guessing from me on that one. I know that's where she wants to be, and I want it for her so badly.

    I don't think I'd be feeling so unsure of her other choices if it weren't for the visit we had this weekend at what we thought would be her number 2 pick. We had been so sure it was going to be a fit, but it really wasn't.
  • SouthernDramaMomSouthernDramaMom Registered User Posts: 37 Junior Member
    My D ended up in a very small suburban environment. It was exactly what she didn't want. She had applied to mostly the big city schools like NYU, UArts, BU etc. She was accepted into many of these schools but in the end she was accepted into a top tier school in an environment she hated. The only reason she even applied was because it has such a wonderful reputation. She never thought in a million years she would be accepted. Because it is such a great school and affordable she really had no choice but to accept. She had a melt down the night before she left thinking it was such a tremendous opportunity but at the same time knowing she would feel isolated and imprisoned by the campus/town. Within about two weeks she was gushing about the teachers, the students, the campus (except the food), and yes, even the town. She is now even talking about staying over the summer in an off campus house with some kids. I guess my point is not to limit your choices. You never know what opportunities will pop up.
  • MomCaresMomCares Registered User Posts: 3,140 Senior Member
    A slight variation on this. When D built her list during her junior summer, we were all (parents teachers and friends) very surprised that she had added 3 BAs to her list of top BFAs. By the time she'd completed MPulse and summer shows and fall arrived, the BAs had moved to the top of her list and she was admitted to her top choice ED, where she is now very very happy.

    I am so glad she hadn't followed the advice of many to decide between a BA or BFA before building a list, as she would have quickly ruled out what later became her top choice school.
  • ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
    Thanks everyone. I'm sure that my D will end up exactly where she should be, even though I'm not so sure where that is right now.

    SouthernDramaMom, your D sounds like mine right now. I hope if she ends up in a smaller setting that she will be as happy yours is.

    We had really taken all BA schools off the list because of her 504 issues. The thought process was that the heavier academic load of a BA would sink her. I have looked at Marymount Manhattan even though it is a BA. I can't figure out their "regular" academic requirements, though. Perhaps we'll go back on the website and try to learn more.
  • ugadog99ugadog99 Registered User Posts: 486 Member
    I think we have decided to put any additional applications on hold for the time being. My D should hear something one way or the other from her ED school around December 15. If it is a defer to Regular then we will go forward with at least one, but probably two, additional applications. Both of those schools (Marymount Manhattan and UArts) have rolling admissions so there isn't a deadline to meet. I know we might be cutting it close with the rolling, but it's a risk she and I both feel comfortable taking. I also realize that my panic over these applications is coming from that one not-so-great visit. I'm trying to keep it all in perspective and know that, in the end, it will all work for the best, somehow.

    Have a fabulous (and stress free) Thanksgiving!
  • MrsDrzMrsDrz Registered User Posts: 227 Junior Member
    Good luck with admissions and YES, 17 and 18 year olds can and do change their minds about where they would like to attend college for many reasons...money, friends, community, etc. The first hurdle is getting the acceptances. The second is actually visiting and interacting with students and faculty before making a final decision; this will make all the difference in the world and was money and time well spent.
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