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transfer application; personal statement

glbosworthglbosworth Registered User Posts: 26 New Member
edited September 2011 in UC Transfers
Hey everyone, im not sure what i should put into my personal statement; I seem to have too many ideas of what i could put on it.

a)due to abusive home situations, drug addicted parents (meth, heroine, coke), father is always in and out of prison, many family custody battles between grandparents, Ive gone to 14 different schools between k-12.

B)I was an orphan living on my own, going from couch to couch of friends, living in my brothers closet at one point, and since ive started at a community college in 2007, ive been living in a garage trying to get myself through college.

C)when i was 16, i single handedly started an online server company which lasted about a year and a half. at 22, i started a social networking website aimed at helping disadvantaged students to find career goals that interest them, and other articles to help them suceed in school. also, there were articles on informational interviews, and the importance of who you know.

D)Ive been working since i was 14, from food places, to retail, to enterprise driver, to a classified clean lab which was associated with biochemistry, to working for a painting company all aimed at getting myself through college.

E)I have goals of becoming a junior analyst, ultimately a money manager with a cfa. I plan on going from my BA in business admin or econ straight to graduate school to get my MBA & CFA.

F)I want to eventually open a non profit to help other students/kids see that they can all go to college and be succesful, but many of them dont have a safe environment to live while they do this, and the ones that do from my situation either live along which includes having to work and not having time or money to be as successful as they could be. I want to create homes where students living with grandparent, parents in prison or that are drug addicts can move in, be fed, clothed, have their school paid for when they cant afford it, along with helping them with financial needs. overall this would help our society a lot in the long run.

That's all i can think of off the top of my head without refering to my free write. Which do you guys think would be the best to use for a statement? (I am an extremely good writer when it comes to essays and papers, but i just dont know what to write on such a small 1000 word statement.) any comments would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Post edited by glbosworth on

Replies to: transfer application; personal statement

  • NovaLynnxNovaLynnx Registered User Posts: 1,406 Senior Member
    My votes are with C, E, and F. C will give them some insights into your past and what you had to overcome without spending too much time on it (most essays do not have large word limits). E and F show them where you want your education to take you, and that you are focused. I'm afraid if you focus too much on A and B, that it will look like you're trying to gain pity. But if you write about C, you can include some of your past and how rather than succumbing to it and giving up, you motivated yourself to help others.

    My advice is to write about C, but include your future plans (E and F) toward the end briefly, since a lot of students' interests end up changing as they take more courses.
  • glbosworthglbosworth Registered User Posts: 26 New Member
    yea, ive pretty much had the same ideas for the past 4 years, and my drive and passion to help people from my situation has only been burning more. Thanks for your input.
  • NovaLynnxNovaLynnx Registered User Posts: 1,406 Senior Member
    That's great - make that very clear in your statement how passionate you are about that. Ask people you trust to read your statement and see if they can really sense your passion from it. I think that would make a great statement.
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