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MYOMOOMYOMOO Registered User Posts: 440 Member
Undoubtedly, Davis is my top choice to pursue my undergraduate studies and dedicate myself to the community.

As I have a strong passion for high energy and nuclear physics, Davis provides me a lot of opportunities to do researches. During summer vacation, I can participate in Research Experience for Undergraduate program and many other research programs to work with faculty and graduate students on nuclear physics and experimental particle physics research. With unparalled facilities such as LUX detector, I can get the most accurate data on neutrino from the experiments and analyze them with research groups. I will get a large amount of research experience, valuable interpersonal communication skills and useful experimental knowledge. They will help me a lot to achieve my goal of finding a feasible way to generate nuclear fusion.

Also, I can greatly contribute to Davis community and enrich its diversity.
As a first generation Chinese immigrant, I clearly understand the economic and social situation of new immigrants. I can run for senate in ASUCD to represent Chinese immigrant students and let the community know their problems. Moreover, I will vigorously participate in events in cross cultural center not only to make friends with multicultural people and learn their cultures, but also to show them the beauty and antique of Chinese culture.

Do you think it is OK?
Post edited by MYOMOO on

Replies to: Need Help!! MY UC DAVIS WAITLIST ESSAY!

  • jbournejbourne Registered User Posts: 573 Member
    I would add somewhere that you REALLY want to attend UC Davis and that if selected off the waitlist, you will enroll. My essay (and I got in), really just said that - that I would fit in well, always wanted to go there, blah, blah, blah. Good luck to you!

    You have some minor grammar errors, if you want to fix them. The main one is the
    word 'antique' at the end. I don't think that conveys what you are trying to say:

    Davis provides me - Davis would provide me
    researches - research
    Research Experience for Undergraduate program - the Research Experience
    for Undergraduates program
    LUX detector - the LUX detector
    They will help me a lot - This will help me a lot
    Davis community - the Davis community
    cross cultural center - the cross cultural center
    antique of Chinese culture - not sure what you intend to say here -
    maybe 'uniqueness' ?? antique is definitely not the right word
  • GamerAddictGamerAddict Registered User Posts: 148 Junior Member
    Perhaps "traditions" would fit better than "antique" ?

    But yes, I think this is good! Just be sure to fix all those simple little grammatical errors that jbourne pointed out.
  • PencilxBoxesPencilxBoxes Registered User Posts: 305 Junior Member
    I don't think mentioning that you're Chinese will do you any good and it certainly won't enrich its diversity as the majority of UCD undergraduate population is Asian. Just my 2cents.
  • MYOMOOMYOMOO Registered User Posts: 440 Member
    Thank you for your help. I really appreciate that!
  • missamanda1295missamanda1295 Registered User Posts: 13 New Member
    I think you should write about something that you have experienced / are experiencing that makes you proud of who you are. I'm sure they know that you are going to get good opportunities, and davis is an international school so they do know each person contributes to diversity, but that doesn't make you stand out from anyone else. If you write about something you're proud of, or that has made you who you are (something distinct) you will stand out.
This discussion has been closed.