Trying to get some feedback, and my chances.
I am writing to appeal your decision of denial of my application for entry into UCLA for the 2006-2007 school year. UCLA has always been my first choice and I would like you to reconsider my application due to the information not provided in my freshman application.
While filling out the application in November I did not mention personal challenges which I faced in my high school life. At the time I felt uncomfortable discussing these family circumstances which arose in my 10th grade year, as they were very personal. I had never detailed my hardship to anyone before, and I could not succinctly express my self on the application. However, since receiving the denial of application from UCLA, I looked for answers to why I was not accepted. After lengthy discussions with friends and teachers, I came to realize that my hardship was just as much a part of me as any award or activity in my application. I now understand that I was unfair to myself for not providing my life challenges in my application.
It began in the summer of 2003, before my tenth grade year. My mother, the main source of income in my family, began to work longer hours, as her workload increased. This resulted in her not being able to participate as much at home. She no longer had time to watch over my brother and me, cook dinner, or maintain the house in good order. My father, on the other hand, worked from home for only a fraction of the day. However he had grown accustomed to not doing many chores around the house. He did not see a need to do more at home when my mother began to spend more time at work. This led to constant conflict within our home over who should bear responsibility of house chores. This was a very difficult time for me personally. I had only adjusted myself to high school life, and this predicament was a severe setback. I was aiming for straight As, great extra-curriculars, and much more. But I could not concentrate on schoolwork when my parents would be quarreling, or when my mother would ask my help in cleaning the house, or tutor my brother. I would have only enough time to complete my work, but the remainder of the day was participating in the family upkeep. For a time this was manageable, but as the school year progressed the workload grew. I was always frustrated, sullen, and did not have great enthusiasm for anything I was doing in school. But I could not speak to anyone about my circumstance. Living in an affluent neighborhood, many of my friends had a comfortable home, and did not understand my situation. I was compelled to put on a façade to hide my problems, to keep up appearances.
My parents conflict continued throughout the year, and although I became adjusted to it, it remained a hindrance in my life. My low mood was also accompanied by a feeling of lethargy, as I did not have much time to keep my body in shape. This environment persisted for my entire sophomore year, and for about half of my junior year. Eventually my mother and father finally overcame their differences, and life became more relaxed. I had more time to spend in my life, and it is reflective in the change achievement for me. In the second semester of my junior year I received my highest GPA since my freshman year, I garnered a majority of my awards in that semester, and I was able to take an additional class at El Camino Community College. I felt much more enthusiastic, and attempted to catch up on all, which I missed out on. Looking back on my sophomore and junior year I feel as if the person I was from September 2003 to January 2005 was much different than the person since then.
To fully evaluate me as an applicant, I believe it is necessary to take this hardship into account. It covered a year and a half of my life, and is the reason for some of my shortcomings and also the motivation to reach greater hights after it ended.
I respectfully urge you to reconsider my application and provide me the opportunity to study at your acclaimed institution, UCLA, for which I have a deep respect. If accepted into UCLA I plan to become a very active member of the Bruin community, joining many student organizations, participating in intramural sports, and all the while aiming to graduate summa cum laude. Not a moment passed in high school where I thought of any school but UCLA, a resolve, which has never wavered.