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Check out my appeal letter if you could

gettinin06gettinin06 Registered User Posts: 131 Junior Member
Trying to get some feedback, and my chances.
Thanks
I am writing to appeal your decision of denial of my application for entry into UCLA for the 2006-2007 school year. UCLA has always been my first choice and I would like you to reconsider my application due to the information not provided in my freshman application.
While filling out the application in November I did not mention personal challenges which I faced in my high school life. At the time I felt uncomfortable discussing these family circumstances which arose in my 10th grade year, as they were very personal. I had never detailed my hardship to anyone before, and I could not succinctly express my self on the application. However, since receiving the denial of application from UCLA, I looked for answers to why I was not accepted. After lengthy discussions with friends and teachers, I came to realize that my hardship was just as much a part of me as any award or activity in my application. I now understand that I was unfair to myself for not providing my life challenges in my application.
It began in the summer of 2003, before my tenth grade year. My mother, the main source of income in my family, began to work longer hours, as her workload increased. This resulted in her not being able to participate as much at home. She no longer had time to watch over my brother and me, cook dinner, or maintain the house in good order. My father, on the other hand, worked from home for only a fraction of the day. However he had grown accustomed to not doing many chores around the house. He did not see a need to do more at home when my mother began to spend more time at work. This led to constant conflict within our home over who should bear responsibility of house chores. This was a very difficult time for me personally. I had only adjusted myself to high school life, and this predicament was a severe setback. I was aiming for straight A’s, great extra-curriculars, and much more. But I could not concentrate on schoolwork when my parents would be quarreling, or when my mother would ask my help in cleaning the house, or tutor my brother. I would have only enough time to complete my work, but the remainder of the day was participating in the family upkeep. For a time this was manageable, but as the school year progressed the workload grew. I was always frustrated, sullen, and did not have great enthusiasm for anything I was doing in school. But I could not speak to anyone about my circumstance. Living in an affluent neighborhood, many of my friends had a comfortable home, and did not understand my situation. I was compelled to put on a façade to hide my problems, to keep up appearances.
My parents’ conflict continued throughout the year, and although I became adjusted to it, it remained a hindrance in my life. My low mood was also accompanied by a feeling of lethargy, as I did not have much time to keep my body in shape. This environment persisted for my entire sophomore year, and for about half of my junior year. Eventually my mother and father finally overcame their differences, and life became more relaxed. I had more time to spend in my life, and it is reflective in the change achievement for me. In the second semester of my junior year I received my highest GPA since my freshman year, I garnered a majority of my awards in that semester, and I was able to take an additional class at El Camino Community College. I felt much more enthusiastic, and attempted to catch up on all, which I missed out on. Looking back on my sophomore and junior year I feel as if the person I was from September 2003 to January 2005 was much different than the person since then.
To fully evaluate me as an applicant, I believe it is necessary to take this hardship into account. It covered a year and a half of my life, and is the reason for some of my shortcomings and also the motivation to reach greater hights after it ended.
I respectfully urge you to reconsider my application and provide me the opportunity to study at your acclaimed institution, UCLA, for which I have a deep respect. If accepted into UCLA I plan to become a very active member of the Bruin community, joining many student organizations, participating in intramural sports, and all the while aiming to graduate summa cum laude. Not a moment passed in high school where I thought of any school but UCLA, a resolve, which has never wavered.
Post edited by fallenchemist on
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Replies to: Check out my appeal letter if you could

  • subsidonsubsidon Registered User Posts: 55 Junior Member
    im not an expert, but..

    "I respectfully urge you to reconsider my application and provide me the opportunity to study at your acclaimed institution, UCLA, for which I have a deep respect."

    i think there's something wrong with respectfully...deep respect, can anyone else confirm?

    as for chances and all, i have no clue about that stuff. It seems ALOT like what i'm going to be writing for my essays this fall.

    Good luck
    PS. You have a sweet name
  • rollie_pollie_ollie1515rollie_pollie_ollie1515 Registered User Posts: 76 Junior Member
    "I RESPECTfully urge you to reconsider my application and provide me the opportunity to study at your acclaimed institution, UCLA, for which I have a deep RESPECT."

    You use respect twice in that sentence--sounds redundant.
  • pryrtgtrilinhpryrtgtrilinh Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    The letter is capably written, but I would reconsider the content. As I read it, I got the impression that you simply exaggerated or even fabricated a situation to make it sound like you had tough times, when in reality you simply inherited your father's laziness and started applying yourself when you realized that college was around the corner. I tried to reread it, placing it under a more positive light, but the only alternative conclusion I could draw is that you are easily influenced under any distrubance. They want someone who faced a normally crippling hardship but pulled through it with maturity and wisdom from the inside, not relying on others to make it right. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't think they would accept your appeal based on this letter. Hope it helps.
  • gettinin06gettinin06 Registered User Posts: 131 Junior Member
    Thanks for the reply, i hear what you're saying. What I'm trying to convey is that in that time I was spread over many tasks, and it wasn't so much I didn't have the attention span, but rather a lot of my time was taken in the family upkeep. I am trying to show the academic sacrifices I was compelled to make in order to keep life at home in good order.
  • mochafrap02mochafrap02 Registered User Posts: 17 New Member
    hey,
    think about it this way-- in an appeals letter, they want to see something extraordinary about you, something that will pretty much blow them away. if you tell them that you were too busy doing household chores, they might just be thinking that everyone does those same chores. we all [hopefully] help our families out, and we all are more than willing to take care of our siblings. in order to truly influence an appeals committee, show them a more positive attribute of yourself. if you really want to address this situation though, i would take the perspective of why your mom suddenly had to work longer and run with that. tell me if you need help.
  • so save meso save me Registered User Posts: 517 Member
    i agree with pyrtg...
  • caligurl_913caligurl_913 Registered User Posts: 51 Junior Member
    do you know where to send the appeal? do i send a teacher's recommendation letter along with the appeal letter?

    i'm thinking about writing about some family problems. mainly about how my parents constantly argue at home. i dont have a room.. so i do my homework and study for tests at my living room work table. because of this, i always have to listen to their arguments. this may be the reason for my decline in grades. although i manage to have around a 3.6.. i think their constant quarralling has prevented me from earning a higher gpa. does anyone know how i can make my appeal letter much more affective? i dont feel comfortable giving my letter to someone to proofread because it's very personal. so, it would be really helpful if someone gave me some suggestions on how i could make my letter work.

    or is my situation not worthy of an appeal? i know the % of appeals going through is pretty low.
  • pryrtgtrilinhpryrtgtrilinh Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    caligurl- I wouldn't say that your situation isn't "worthy of an appeal," it's always worth a shot, though your case isn't extraordinarily remarkable. It's hard to comment on your letter without actually reading it, but I wouldn't focus so much on making an excuse for your mediocre grades. Instead, you could turn the situation around: the arguments affected your ability to study and thus your gpa at first, but it was a learning experience that effected maturity and an acute ability to focus, a vital skill that you will need in college especially if you plan to live on campus. This is just an example, and I don't even know if this is true or not, but this version would reveal your resilience, and why they should accept you. Though I don't know for sure without reading it, your letter does not seem to do this. Hope it helps.
  • lexanlexan Registered User Posts: 29 New Member
    As some other guys said, you should focus more on amazing things you accomplished. In your case, you can probably write on how your maturity and endurance helped you overcome these mishaps at home. Also, try to show how you've changed since you last submitted your application (any new awards? epiphanies? etc.).
  • hellokitty11hellokitty11 Registered User Posts: 126 Junior Member
    to be honest, you're letter will probably be among hundreds of other appeal letters that discuss larger issues with stronger arguments. If an admissions office rejected you before, it is highly unlikely that they will change their decision because you have a letter written (though it was well written) about your mom working and your dad who is unable to fill her shoes. How many families do you think do not have both parents at home at all times? Such circumstances are unfortunate but will not serve as an excuse whatsoever. I personally know someone appealing who will go into detail the depression and the utter sorrow she went through after her single mom passed away from cancer just last year. Her dad had killed himself when she was 3...I'm sure she will mention that as well. She will say that living with her uncle has been hard on her during her junior year and it affects her concentration. If sympathy is what you are looking for from the admissions office, you will not find it unless it is a true tragedy. Esp if your appeal is read after one that resembles my friend's.

    Like lexan said, focus on the POSITIVES...send in a transcript with updated grades, get some amazing letter of recs, add all awards and recently done comm service...it is your best chance.
  • madkapitolistmadkapitolist Registered User Posts: 234 Junior Member
    uhhh we were souposed to send in a new transcript with our ucla appeal..?? it doesnt say anything about that on the webiste, i really hope you are wrong.. i sent mine in already
  • caligurl_913caligurl_913 Registered User Posts: 51 Junior Member
    pryrtgtrilinh - thanks
  • hellokitty11hellokitty11 Registered User Posts: 126 Junior Member
    madkapitolist--you dont HAVE to send in a new transcript. it would just benefit you if your first semester senior grades are high up there. you are also allowed to submit letters of rec... all of these are extra factors and do not guarantee you will win. they just help build your case, thats all. Good luck!
  • shaqpak34shaqpak34 Registered User Posts: 238 Junior Member
    would somethign that arose in the past few months (around november-december) be considered? cus i've had to deal with personaly/family problems this past year, and ive maintained a good GPA, etc...would this info be considered irrelevant cus its during my senior year, or would they still consider it?
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