For all the new freshman and transfers, you are coming in at an interesting time, after a loss to UCLA in football. You will probably hear "13-9" over and over again, and we did legitimatly loose (abeit by 4 points, as opposed to Rout 66-19 of the previous year). But, there are ways to make the conversation end there:
10. They say: University of South Central.
You say: What, are you scared of minorities? Maybe that's why in 2006
UCLA only enrolled 96 Black students. Maybe it's why Black UCLA
football players want to get out ASAP.
9. They say: We have 100 NCAA national championships, more than you.
You Say: You would have 101, but your 1995 softball championship was
revoked for having non-student athletes, such as Tanya Harding (This is not the figure skater).
Heck, the NCAA banned you from the 1997 season and nearly killed the
8. They say: How ridiculous is it that Lil' Romeo is going to play basketball
for USC in 2008.
You say: I don't care if he sings poka if he can play. At least we know
he has communication skills. Aaron Aflano has been quoted as
saying "They outphysicaled us." Glad they empasize grammer at UCLA.
7. They say: Can't spell Trojan without OJ.
You say: We hate OJ. When they showed him on the jumbotron at
homecoming last year, 92,000 people went DEAD SILENT.
6. They say: Your stadium sucks.
You say: It's across the street, we have the Olympic torch, and you
used to play here. The world knows that the Rose Bowl is played at the
Rose Bowl, which you never seem to play in.
5. They say: Didn't the Trojans lose the Trojan war?
You say: Yes, but that's the point. The name Trojans came from a
track meet. USC had been doing very poorly, and soon it became
impossible to win. Then, as a writer described, they had the "fighting
spirit of Trojans" and won every subsequent event. Now that's heart.
Besides, you got your mascot from Cal (more on Cal later).
4. They say: We're smarter than you.
You say: In the past, yes, but are you now? We're one step below you
in USNews, a ranking hated by many. We have the top film school hands
down, and our incoming class has higher test scores than yours.
3. They say: University of Spoiled Children.
You say: Acutally, the average family income of a UCLA student is higher
than that of an average USC student. You OOS tuition is higher than
ours, and USC need-based financial aid is some of the best around.
Those most in need can afford to go to USC, not UCLA.
2. They say: You're mean, disrespectful, and full of yourselves.
You say: Remember the scene after your huge four point win? Fans
getting tear-gassed on the feild, vicious profanity at USC fans, yelling
and bragging about your trip to a bowl game played before New Year's,
in a baseball stadium, which you LOST. I've never seen such a classless
display in my life.
1. They say: University of Second Choice.
You say: Why did you choose UCLA over Cal? It's a simple question
with a simple answer: they didn't get into Cal. All the UCLA students
I've met got rejected at Cal, so they attended UCLA. If UCLA was
better than Cal, wouldn't it be called Cal? The Cal reference is by far
the best way to shut up a Bruin. Also, remember you can say "I'm really
sorry you didn't get into Cal." That one, I've learned from experience,
works every time.
Please add to this list, as I'm sure there's ones I've forgotten.