I won’t lie to you, my first year at UIUC felt like a nightmare. I had no true friends, my dorm roommate’s living habits made living with him nearly unbearable (despite him being very nice,) I felt out of place among the Greek Life that dominated the campus, homesick, you name it. In fact, I went home almost every other weekend, sometimes more often. As a result, I transferred to DePaul University in Chicago for what seemed like a fresh start this year.
But something inside my head is telling me I made the wrong decision. DePaul is closer to home (which I wanted) and in the city (which means more things to do other than frat parties.) Why is it then, that part of me regrets my decision? I feel like I’ve committed a crime by transferring from a Big Ten school, let alone UIUC. When people hear I’ve transferred from there, they give me this sort of shocked response. Oddly enough, I now miss some of the things I hadn’t realized before; the teachers (besides one) were great, I had some favorite restaurants, the overall campus had a friendly vibe as long as you weren’t in the Frat area. In hindsight, I also think part of my dissatisfaction was a result of the dorm I got placed in, as it was far on the outskirts of campus, making it hard to meet friends, as well as the lack of a car to get home or to the gym whenever I wanted… Even though I didn’t enjoy my freshman year, it seemed familiar, whereas I’m not getting that feeling here.
Is what I’m feeling normal?
I’m curious if it would be possible to transfer back to UIUC if these feelings don’t subside after a few months on a new campus (worst case scenario), but this also worries me that I’ll be too late and transferring again would do more harm than good. Not to mention how my family would feel about this.
I remember you. You were SO SURE that you had to transfer, and would not listen to any advice telling you to give it more of a chance. I have no idea why you are back asking for advice again, you didn’t take the advice you were given by many posters last time. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it. Go figure out how to make this college work.
There is another student on here with almost an identical post to yours, only different universities. The student was so sure he had to transfer somewhere else, and now that he is at the new university, he regrets it and wishes he was back at the other one.
There’s no perfect place. Don’t let other people make you feel bad for leaving UIUC. I know someone who left Harvard to go to a state university in the South. She just couldn’t stand being at Harvard, and felt out of place with the people there. She did what she felt was right at the time, for her peace of mind. That’s all we can do in life.
You will find other things to like about your current place. Just try to embrace it for what it is, instead of fretting over what it isn’t. Trust your gut which told you to leave UIUC for somewhere closer to home and in the city, and make the best of the lifestyle options you now have.
It sounds a bit like you are trying to find the perfect place for you, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t exist.
There will be things that you don’t like about any college you attend. Every other college will also have attractive aspects to it that you wish you could experience. The key to really enjoying your experience is maximizing the things that you love while minimizing the things you don’t enjoy or don’t care about. There’s no such thing as THE right place for everyone; most college students could and would thrive at a variety of places with the right mindset.
You’re closer to home, which means you can visit more often and be less homesick. You’re in a vibrant city with lots to do and explore, and opportunities to intern or work part-time during the academic year. Ignore other people’s responses - who cares what they think? People know Big 10 schools because of football; they often don’t appreciate smaller, less well-known schools, but that doesn’t mean your choice was bad. You have a bit of a nostalgia effect, and also you’re remembering the things that were good about UIUC - because there’s good in every experience.
You do seem to want perfection and you also seem to want it right now, as opposed to giving it some time and let things develop. But if you transfer back after your sophomore year, that’s when you start to lose some time and face the chance of having to take 5 or more years to finish college. That’s not a catastrophe, but it does get expensive and should be avoided if you don’t have to do it.
I feel like the reason why you regret the decision is because deep down you’ve always wanted to mingle with people there but never got the chance to because you were too stuck in your own box. And by being too attached to your own comfort zone, it made you decide to transfer.
Part of the reason why you’re feeling like you’ve made a mistake is because you’re thinking that you’ve switched to a not so Big Ten from a Big Ten school, and I know it gets frustrating when people react to those situations without considering other factors that made you do what you did.
I used to brag about getting scholarships from a private university only to find out that I still couldn’t afford it, and so I had to go to a community college. It was not fun and it made me feel less than the rest of my batchmates who fled to their desired universities. However, I learned to love it overtime and enjoyed the perks of being in a “less prestigious” college.
You’ve made this decision, and I know it sucks right now, but you’ll learn to appreciate it. Stop guilt tripping yourself over the possible reasons why you shouldn’t have left along with people’s reactions. You’ve had your reasons and made a decision, and you gotta stick with it, or else you’ll be going around in circles wasting time. You don’t want to get caught in that habit.
You’re not the first person who has made a change, only to have regrets later.
There are many changes in life that can be undone. The first thing you need is information. Call UIUC admissions and find out whether it is possible for you to come back, and when. Then talk to DePaul to see if you can get out of whatever obligation you have with them. If you end up staying for the semester, get the most out of it that you can.
People change jobs, careers, neighborhoods, whatever. IMO life is too short to spend three years somewhere that you don’t want to be. Good luck!
Whether you end up staying at DePaul or UIUC – research clubs! You might find one that fits your interests quite well, and that would be a good way to improve your social life. The longer I live, the more I realize that what makes a place enjoyable is not the place itself (scenery, weather, sports scene, bar scene, classes, libraries, restaurants, etc.); what makes a place enjoyable is the people with whom you surround yourself. They make life great.
Lincoln Park is fantastic! You want to leave Lincoln Park and DePaul for Champaign-Urbana?!
Look, DePaul is a good school. It’s not as prestigious as UIUC, but you were not happy there. You may be just reacting to others’ reactions when you tell them you willingly left a prestigious (in Illinois, anyway) school. Forget them. This is your life and your education. Get to work on making DePaul your new home. Don’t look back, and keep going forward.
You will get a fine education at DePaul. I personally know people who did.
Go take a walk this fall in Lincoln Park and near the lakeshore, then try to remember what it was you missed about Champaign-Urbana. That’s right - nothing!
@intparent@berikson I’m a current college freshman and I am feeling the same way he did a year ago. I am in his exact situation. The difference is that I am putting myself out there - talking to new people, joining at least 2 clubs because I have a rigorous course load.
Thinking about transferring gives me hope and for more reasons why please refer to my thread I recently put up (http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/transfer-students/1813217-transfer.html#latest). This has been plaguing me since the second or third week of college. I just want to have a plan that I can stick to and keep the option of transferring open…my family is the same way berikson’s was about transferring.
I would really like somebody else’s perspective on this even though I have been speaking to friends, advisors, and family.
And @berikson transferred, and isn’t very happy at his new school. Go read his old thread for suggestions on how to make your current environment work.
There is a syndrome or condition or whatever it is called where you always think that the other situation was better. Now of course everyone has the “What if’s” or the “I should have’s” to some degree, that is just human. But in some people it can be crippling in terms of not being able to make decisions and/or their emotional state after the decisions. You might want to consider seeing someone just to determine if this is overly pronounced in your case and how to deal with it.
I’ve heard of such a thing. While I may be clouded by bias, I don’t think I suffer from this condition. Throughout my life, my decisions have almost always been concrete with no regrets. The only two that I really struggle to think about are college and my decision to quit baseball a few years back. Probably because they are both significant parts that help set the stage for the remainder of my life. I’ve always been raised with these views about picking the right college and the right major. I’ve also been under pressure since my brothers attended a big party school (albeit different) and fit right in. Because of that, I felt like a failure for not enjoying the same experience that they did.
In addition, the increased tuition has been a burden, but I guess you need to pay for happiness sometimes.
Either way, I’m in a better place now that I’ve deeply thought about this for the last week. Both schools had pros and cons, I just haven’t decided which I prefer. Either way, I’m going to stick with my decision and hope for the best, making the most of the opportunities I have presented to me currently. I could always return to my old school for grad school if it comes to that. So in terms of the transfer, it isn’t absolute regret as if shouldn’t have done it. It is more just analyzing/questioning the decision.
Welcome back, I was wondering how you were doing. Many times, when we make a change we’ll grieve. You’re in the process of changing identities and logistics. You’re letting go of aspects of what you were or had, for what you are becoming and starting. It’s a ride and you just travel it. Very normal.
Try these: Go for a run (or watch the marathon), invite someone. Meet with each of your teachers in the next 7 days (office hours). Collect some students for a study group. Catch some cheap improv and theater (Hot Tix). Volunteer a bit. Find some interesting food (Ethiopian?). Get your resume ready for internships.
@berikson That is the same way with me - I have always been steadfast in my decisions and accepted if I made mistakes. I feel like a failure because I have not been enjoying myself here no matter how much I throw myself into meeting new people and doing schoolwork. I am questioning/analyzing my decision to transfer right now as well…college sets you up for the rest of your life and that is a huge responsibility to have…I want to make sure I am happy, however, whenever I am in college. I am unhappy here despite tries to be happy…
Agh. Four weeks, people. It has been only FOUR WEEKS. You will not be rolling in happiness in FOUR WEEKS. Do not become a “college hopper” without giving your first college a much longer try. It is harder to graduate on time, harder to get good financial aid, harder to make friends as a transfer, and employers and grad schools notice it.
@intparent That’s why I’m going to stay here for a year…and then transfer if (more likely when) I don’t like it still. I am taking courses that are normally taken sophomore year second semester/junior year first semester. All my credits will transfer and I will still be on track to graduate. Financial aid, once again, is not a concern because a) it is cheaper than the current one I am in right now and b) I have scholarships I will apply for that will lower the cost.
Thank you for all of the advice everybody. Much appreciated.