<p>Below are cost estimates for 3 categories of schools: California in-state public universities, OOS public universities, and selective private schools. Source: college on-line Net Price Calculator (UCLA, RISD) or College Abacus (others).</p>
<p>Assumptions
CA resident
$76,000 family income (split evenly between married parents)
$20,000 in financial assets, all in cash/checking
$5K paid in income taxes
No home equity
3 children, 1 age 14, 1 age 17 (HS junior), 1 18 or older (already in college); 5 exemptions
GPA=4.0, SAT M+CR=1500
Fall 2015 admission</p>
<p>Estimated Net Costs of Attendance
$39,899 Purdue (OOS)
$31,700 Virginia Tech (OOS)
$23,843 Carnegie Mellon
$18,018 RISD
$16,422 CSU-SJ (in-state)
$15,405 Cal Poly Pomona (in-state)
$16,141 University of Southern California
$14,909 Alabama (OOS; appears to reflect merit aid, but may also reflect most expensive R&B plans)
$12,172 UCLA (in-state)
$11,280 Harvey Mudd
$9,405 Brown
$6,955 Vanderbilt
$6,782 Olin College of Engineering
$4,589 Yale</p>
<p>Your Mileage May Vary
Except where otherwise noted, the above estimates appear to reflect need-based grant aid (but not loans).
The OP probably is correct to focus on opportunities for large merit scholarships if she wants match/safety schools with net costs below $10K (without loans).
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<p>Another admission+financial safety option would be a state university within commuting distance.</p>