A couple of years ago, I posted to college confidential asking for some insight into how to start determining schools for my going into 9th grade student (I was more asking for help determining merit rich opportunities as we are a full pay family who doesn’t actually have the ability to be full pay without constraint for the 3 children we will be putting through college). Many of the same posters on this thread graciously took the time to tell me to take a deep breath, and realize that top stats and scores (and incredible ECs) as an eight grader don’t necessarily translate into the high school career they may indicate.
My now 10th grader (a junior in about 2 weeks, whoa how the time does fly!) is a very different person and student than my 8th grader. An equally wonderful, amazing, talented and brilliant child - perfect in my eyes…who has also been working very hard to learn how to deal with a chronic health condition (depression & anxiety). It isn’t an easy path and I must admit that one of the first things I let go of as a parent was any pre-conceived notions of what college would look like for my child. Grades have been hit and miss, test scores still high, EC still excellent but not as super strong in comparison to others in the field. In some ways, my child is the very definition of pointy now; strengths really stand out from the wreckage of some of the ‘weaknesses’, lol.
I’ve learned a lot reading these boards since asking my merit school list question. One of the best takeaways from that conversation is how appreciative I am of the posters here who gave me the advice to take the breath and let things play out as they would before trying to make definitive plans. It was the ‘tough love’ I needed to hear at the time; I’m glad I was given that advice and that we as a family took it because this Spring (as we’ve begun having conversations about what schools might be good to start looking at this summer), our criteria is so much clearer and we know there are a lot of great options out there waiting to be explored.
NOT having put together a ‘dream’ list early helped us immensely as we talk to our child about options and possibilities. There wasn’t/isn’t any failure in knowing some schools are out of reach/high reaches…it has actually helped us in discussions of what is most important in a school. For our child: good [sunny] weather, collaborative learning, strong STEM program, music opportunities and foreign language; for us, as parents, a reasonable COA. There are a lot of schools that have those strengths, we are spoiled for options when it comes to great colleges and universities in this country.
It sounds like your daughter is an absolutely lovely, brilliant and special person. My best advice is to have faith that the next 3-4 years will lead you, your daughter and your family exactly where y’all are supposed to be. Let her explore what she finds interesting, be on the look out for opportunities and experiences that you might recognize but she wouldn’t (and then bring those options to her attention and let her decide if she wants to pursue those extra ops). Listen to what she is sharing and not sharing during these years. And remember to breath.