<p>Was unable to find the late bloomer thread from a few years ago-so I thought we should update the discussion to see how our kids are doing now.</p>
<p>S1 just turned 21 (18 than) and just broke up with his first “real” girlfriend. He had one in HS and one sophomore year of college for ~2.5 months each (one lasted from march to end of may in HS, and one went from fall break to winter break freshman year) this last one lasted 7 months(Halloween to mid June). He is going to be a senior and is taking a break from dating until he is on his own after graduating. He is a bit broken up-pun intended. Says he is a little worried about not having a ton of experience-was very shy-wiry and small in HS. Has come into his own during college-tons of friends and good grades-and much better with girls. I worry about him worrying himself into a hole about this.</p>
<p>S2 is 19 and is a square as they come, very quiet and respectful-has no problem attracting female attention(by far the better looking of the two) but not very social. He is just starting out, so he still has time, even though S2 is more serious and focused than 1-(1 has a 3.3-2 has a 4.0) he doesn’t put in effort and connect emotionally with 1. Much more reserved about his feelings.</p>
<p>Anyway, I wanted to see how others kids are doing in this arena. I’m not worried about either particularly-but just wanted some reassurance</p>
<p>I think it’s a myth that every kid has a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school. Many kids, especially the serious ones, don’t because they recognize that relationships should be meaningful and they just aren’t ready for that level of romantic intensity. From what I’ve observed, the socially precocious kids tend to have more casual relationships, which is why they’re okay dating in high school. But I wouldn’t call them more mature, nor would I call the kids who start dating later “late bloomers.”</p>
<p>I have one son who is brilliant with girls and another who is terrified of them. Chick magnet is an unlikely romeo: shy and quiet, long haired and sloppy, but exudes sensitive artist. His gift is in quietly watching and paying attention to girls. It must be in a non creepy way, he notices what they like and is able to use that information. He has had girlfriends off and on since eighth grade, is in college now. Scared boy thinks girls are just great, but finds them intimidating in their wonderfulness. He has had a few close female friends now, so maybe that will help him not be so afraid. One two month relationship last year, he is currently seventeen. That girl last year was a really fantastic girl, though, so he has good taste. I think he was far more infatuated with her than her with him. And he didn’t drive yet so she had to do all the driving. The scared son is very good looking and a jock. He is more of a guy’s guy. </p>
<p>Both boys are very sweet. Romeo has had his heart stomped on but came back for more. He is a hopeful romantic. Second son hasn’t had a real relationship yet, so he hasn’t been hurt too badly yet. I suspect he won’t have his first real romance until college. </p>
<p>Has anyone noticed that kids don’t date or “go steady” (dating myself) in high school anymore, or is this just a boarding school thing? They seem to like hanging together in co-ed groups, but no real boyfriend/girlfriend connections. Even at dances, DS says the girls and guys dance with everyone, but not many bona fide couples. This is driving DS crazy. He had a couple of girlfriends in middle school, one of which has turned into what will probably be a lifelong “buds” relationship, but no serious relationships at BS (he’s a rising senior now) even though there are a couple of young ladies along the way that he has been particularly smitten with. DS is very outgoing, varsity athlete, and killer handsome (well, mom here). I posted this a long time ago on the BS forum and dads came back to say that they had sent their daughters to school “to study, not for drama.” DS thought this might wear off as the years went on and the girls became more independent, but the dating scene still appears very platonic. Hookups OTOH are another thing, but something DS is not (all that) interested in. What gives? Anyone else see this in their high schools? DS can’t wait for college.</p>
<p>Oh, he also says that when he asks about this, most kids say that they don’t want to be tied down in high school because they know that they will be off to college soon and not many of the kids in his class will be off to the same university, so they view high school as a place to have fun but not get serious with anyone.</p>
<p>Kids do date here. What I find interesting is that they seem less obsessive about their SOs than we did. Some weekends they spend with date, some with friends.</p>
<p>One late bloomer kid still hasn’t bloomed. The other one met someone spring term junior year (of college), but it was almost a year before we heard about her. They are still together a year later, and we like her very much.</p>
<p>I agree with Choatie’s observation. Both of my kids went to private school and there was almost no dating-s1 definitely put more effort into it than 2 did. 1’s best friend from age 13 up is engaged and will marry in May 15-(his fiancé is 26-dont ask me how that happened) and he is a bit upset that he will be graduating next June and will not have a girlfriend at the wedding. Both have said that they feel 4 years behind in dating due to their high school-a little overplayed. Both go to pretty big universities, s1 is much more of a partier than 2, but s2 is much more shy and doesn’t do anything about girls that show intrest in him-needs a girl to chase him:) He has 3 life long guy friends he hangs out with, compared to s1 who has about the same in college, but loads and loads of friend friends, s1 has two friends from HS he still talks to-one is very shy and kind of like his brother and aforementioned lady killer friend-and doesn’t have that social circle back home due to HS. He is very worried about that even moreso than being a late ish bloomer. Both kids aren’t ones for hookups-S2 will NEVER do that, s1 catches feelings to easily.</p>
<p>I definitely think it is partly genetic. I didn’t have a LTR until I was about 25- I had one BF that lasted about long as s1s relationship(about the same time too), my husband had one after college before me. And my SILs family- their kids are 24-who had a 2-3 month relationship sophomore year of HS(2005) and nothing since than, and 21-never dated. My kids are doing okay in the scheme of things- both are average late bloomers-both went on their first “dates” at 16-17. Both would like a little longevitiy and someone to stay a while, and I hope it happens</p>
<p>That doesn’t sound like a late bloomer to me! My late bloomer had two “official” GFs that I know of in college, and “dated”–ie invited to formals, had dinner with, etc–a few other girls, I believe. He now has a GF from grad school. Her FB page says she is in a relationship with him. His plays it close to the vest. :)</p>
<p>Consolation that is literally the exact same experience s1 has-LOL. s2 has gone out on two dates with one girl who is 17 and her parents don’t really approve of her seeing him simply because of his age. He had one “thing” at the end of first semester. Ironically, S1 had a brief fling with a 29 year old (we weren’t happy about hearing that) shortly before meeting GF2. He met his most recent GF through his accounting partner whos roommate needed a date to her sorority function-I didn’t like her much-snooty southern sorority girl stereotype- pretty much who wanted him to constantly pay for all the dinner things, buy her clothes and spend all his time with her away from his friends-he doesn’t regret dating her but says he overlooked niceness because she was “hot” and it made him pretty miserable at times. Me and H are very glad that it didn’t get more serious at this point of college-they were living together for a month before he couldn’t take it anymore. It is important to get relationship exp-but we are glad he didn’t have to sacrifice too much. His roommate from freshman year was VERY seriously dating someone for about 1.5 years(they were that they are going to get married couple) and she told him to turn down an internship in NYC with goldman sachs so they wouldn’t be apart for the summer-which he did but before chastising her, leading her to dump him two weeks later-completely devastating him.</p>
<p>s2 hasn’t had a girlfriend but has a bevy of women trying to talk to him-so much so he doesn’t even realize it. It is kind of maddening as a parent to see him not put himself out there, he is bright, sweet, and would be a great catch if he could get over being afraid of rejection, s1 gave him some pointers and hes asked a few girls out, got one no and one yes-so he is making progress. We wish one had half of the other, if son 1 worried less and was better looking, and s2 had his brothers outgoing and bubbly nature we would have one perfectly rounded kid.</p>
<p>Are teenagers supposed to have a slew of boyfriends or girlfriends? </p>
<p>I find it perfectly fine when teenagers don’t want to date in high school. It’s high school. If you find someone you what to start a relationship with, then that is super. Consider yourself lucky because half the time in these high school relationships the intentions, goals, or expectations are poorly lined up. I’d rather a person work on themselves, focus on their personal fulfillment, and figure out what they want in a relationship. If someone strolls along that is willing to journey along with you, the more the merrier! </p>
<p>If my mom called me a late bloomer, though I doubt she would, I would have a slew of experiences and self-revelations that set me apart from many peers my age. Number of significant others do not demonstrate emotional maturity. </p>
<p>I think a lot of college and high school students have better things to do than date. At least in my own experience, very few of my friends in college had any kind of long-term relationships over the 4 years, and that was really the norm.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be too worried TBH, they’ll find their own path and a good partner that respects them eventually. For instance, I didn’t have my first “real” girlfriend until the second semester of senior year and during the summer. So I reject the notion that there is a “right” time to have a relationship, because it may have it when you least suspect it.</p>
<p>“if son 1 worried less and was better looking”</p>
<p>I hope you haven’t told your older son that he isn’t as good looking as his younger brother…
It really shouldn’t matter whether your older son is as good looking as the younger one and the smart woman are going to know that. Your kids aren’t that old I’m sure they will meet the right woman to marry.</p>
<p>Mines are still in the dating and dumping stage, nobody lasted more than 2-4 weeks, except D1’s boyfriend in high school. They are learning about what they like and don’t like. Not sure if they belong to the late bloomer category or not but there is no permanent person yet. Both will be focusing on their careers. One professes not to get married until she is at least 30 and not in a hurry of anything.</p>
<p>I guess DS likely belongs to the late bloomer category. He had a short-lived one late last year, and I think he tried again with another girl just recently. He is 26! BTW, I believe he has known this girl for 3 years. They do not have much time together right now as both are very busy now.</p>
<p>He invited her to a dinner (at a moderately priced restaurant) and paid for it, but then she paid for some dessert (or ice cream?) at another place. Will this likely be considered as a date by a girl? He thinks it is but he is not sure whether she thinks it is. They just know each other “too well” as friends in the past. He is wondering whether he would be considered as too “pushy” if he asks her out again within a week.</p>
<p>That’s definitely a date, and she is definitely interested in him! It wouldn’t be too pushy at all-a day? Maybe a little bit, a week-not really much so. Both my kids are “daters”-they are a little old fashioned in that regard-meaning they go out one on one before they get kind of close to official. S2 is much much more pickier about this, meaning he will not go out with someone unless 1-they clearly like him. 2-she matches his taste. s1 has gone out on more dates than anyone I know in college-literally before he met his GF two a week with different girls-he calls himself “the nerdy player” and narrows it down til one he likes the most. He definitely worries the most about this, because he is about to graduate. He has a 3.3 in Finance and is involved in a few activities at college and interning this summer-but the job market while it IS better is still not very good. He is concerned about losing that nexus and regressing-his words not mine as he tries to get financially stable. He is a very outgoing person, so even if he has to force himself to socialize he will. He just worries about the lack of social circle back home.</p>
<p>I don’t think I know how things will turn out-my brothers kids are older-38,34, and 32. Two of them never dated anyone minus a a starter relationship in their early 20s-another(6-7) month relationship in the mid 20s and their wives in their late 20s. One married at 30 and the other married at 33. The 34 year old had a 4 year relationship spanning HS/College and has dated men for stretches up to about a year ish but nothing going beyond 10 months or so since about age 22. She is the only one that isn’t married-a lot of it comes down to luck.</p>
My late bloomer had two “official” GFs that I know of in college, and “dated”–ie invited to formals, had dinner with, etc–a few other girls, I believe. He now has a GF from grad school. Her FB page says she is in a relationship with him. His plays it close to the vest. :)</p>