For those parents with children in college, what is the one thing you wish you knew when your kids were Freshmen in HS that could have prepared them (and the whole family) better for the college admissions process?
While they need to do their best in school, they also need to enjoy being kids. And they don’t need to chart out their career when they’re 16!!
Don’t let them overload on ECs to the point that grades suffer — ECs are important, but just don’t let them take over. They expect more time in HS, so it can sneak up on you.
.Try to be on the higher level math track.
If they are good test takers, study for the PSAT taken fall of jr year (that is the one that counts for NMF).
If they aren’t regular readers, try to encourage the habit (reward if necessary). Nothing does more to raise the non-math test scores.
Don’t take too much about college before jr year. Let them enjoy HS.
You, the parent, should start thinking about finances now.
How little help the school guidance counselor and office would be. I understand at public schools there are many competing priorities, but for a magnet school where 100% of the kids go to college to allocate only enough GC time that kids get only 2 - 3 one hour sessions of help and to have that help happen in the fall of their senior year was IMO crappy.
Once again, I’m reminded how lucky my family is that we are healthy, have two parents who value education, have one parent that’s willing to research and help with the college process, that we have internet access and are fast readers. It was very much a self-help process and without those things, I can see how easily even smart kids fall through the admissions cracks…
Encourage them to join some activities…band/sports/clubs.
As mentioned above, though, academics is more important than ECs
Encourage them to take the high level classes they are recommended for…they can always drop down but it is tough to go up to honors.
If they are not doing well grade wise, try to figure out why. Learning disability? Trouble w/ friends? Too many distractions?
Mention college organically…Oh, yes, after you graduate and go to college, then…
I wish I knew:
How fast the four years of HS flies by and how important it is to cherish these years together.
How important it is to keep the eye on the present. Allow your child to learn, grow, find new interests, mature etc. during HS. HS is not a 4 year college prep expereince – it is an expereince in and of itself that is full of growth and change for the students.
How wonderful my S’s guidance counselor’s advice (which I did follow for both kids) to not focus on the “C” word (college) until junior year of HS. Yes, my kids fully understood it was important to do their best academically, but the emphasis was on learning/academic growth, not potential college ramifications.
How wonderful and fulfilling finding meaningful ECs can be for HS students. Both of my kids were deeply impacted by the ECs they did in HS.
How many amazing colleges and universities are out there at all different academic levels. There is no need to obsess about any one college or group of colleges through the HS years. Many colleges can give kids a great 4 year experience and get them whee they want to go in life.
So in short at least in my opinion, incoming HS freshman and their families need not do anything to start preparing for the HS admission process. Their focus should be making a successful transition to HS and on making HS a positive time of growth and development.
That he would end up in the military.
That it would go so fast! And that they would go from basically children to pretty much full on adults.
Or that life is very unpredictable - love your kid every day. The kid who is flying high this year may be struggling greatly in a few years, through no fault of his own. And the kid who makes you tear your hair out may accomplish amazing things. Both of these cases happened in our family. I wish I had appreciated each day more.
I wish I had know that because so few people took Latin it made for endless scheduling conflicts. It was a decision made in 7th grade.
@ChoatieMom, I think I’m just as glad I didn’t know my kid would end up in the military! He took a more circuitous route there than yours did though! My oldest OTOH is doing exactly what he said he’d be doing in his fifth grade yearbook.
My youngest says I should have taken him to visit Yale instead of Harvard early on and he would have worked harder. (I think this is highly unlikely and the only reason he saw Harvard before junior year was he got dragged to a reunion.)
Nothing really. Just wished that my son hadn’t applied to as many colleges as he did. Lots of unnecessary added work (and money) could have been avoided if selecting which colleges to applied to was done with greater precision.
that your high performing, world-on-a-string kid could crash and burn from depression and anxiety in 9th grade and you may not see it until it’s almost too late. Fortunately we all got through it. Don’t think that just because everything has been a breeze that it “can’t happen.”
That the reason he never seemed to have any homework to do is that he did his homework while he was at school. Math in his English class, Spanish in his math class, etc. He was involved in debate and newspaper at the high school. His “home” time was often devoted to research for debate or to his major hobby (fantasy sports). After he graduated and headed off to college, we cleaned up his room at home. What a surprise to read graded essays that we never knew he’d written.
That he would decide in 10th grade that he wanted to go to college. It had never been in the cards before, so we hadn’t planned.
High school is high school, not pre-college. It’s great for kids to have as much agency as is possible. Developmentally one of the most important things going on ages 14-18 is learning what is important to you, not the group. What do they love? What are they passionate about? What’s rewarding for them? What’s fun for them? What kind of environment inspires them? What makes them a better person? Who do they love? Who makes them a better person? What do they want out of life for themselves?
If they get to 17 or 18, and if they have begun to learn to find answers to these questions, authentically, for themselves, even if there was some trial and error, and some false starts, and paths that seemed promising but were not, well then they will probably be well positioned to choose a college that is great for them, to decide what they want to study, who they want to hang out with, and what they want to do with their lives. They will probably respect themselves, demand respect from others, and give respect in turn.
If they can’t begin to answer these questions about themselves, then the ride will probably be bumpier.
And that the best thing I can do is love them through all of it, even when it is hard, especially when it is hard.
“I love you (or We love you) and we will get through this together.”
If you can retrieve this phase when you get that panic call from your child, it sets the stage for a real conversation. It also gives you something to say while your mind (and emotions) are processing the crisis your child just told you about.
Bonus Points if you can love the child you have, and not the child you wanted your child to become. Or even the child you used to have in middle school.
For daughter that her depression was actually borderline personality disorder so I could have gotten her the right help before she was an adult and refused treatment. Then maybe she would have ended up in college.
For son I think I wish I would have known how quickly the “perfect child” could get in with the wrong crowd and turn in to a troubled kid and how to help prevent it. He finally turned around before his senior year but by then he wouldn’t retake his ACT and some AP opportunities he should have taken were gone. He’ doing great now but the beginning of high school was terrible!
From the time they set foot in the door the GPA matters. Colleges look at 6 semester for initial scholarship offers. Don’t think you can fix a bad semester later. It all matters. Don’t weight yourself down with AP if you don’t think you can do well and especially if your HS does not weight.
Enjoy your time it goes fast.
That sometimes you have to think outside the box when helping your child through high school. High schools tend to like the box and have a hard time flexibly allowing creative alternatives.
Bragging about your child to,others, and truly believing he/she is the best.
I was reminded of this yesterday. I was chatting with the office manager when someone else’s patient came by. She talked for a solid 15minutes about how terrific her son is. For example, she boast d how her son took math courses at the local U in 12th grade. My OM’s granddaughter has been doing this, and my son started at the U in 9th grade. She said this math class was theoretical and the equivalent of a Masters class. The office manager tried to say something but this woman didn’t hear. Her son is enrolled at a perfectly respectable U, so a nice outcome.
Unfortunately, I listen to,parents helping their kids during the process. They just don’t get how reach-y their child’s list is. They don’t apply to our state school early on to have an admission. They don’t consider that their child might not do well being far away from home. So many other factors, which are perfectly clear to CC members.
Ok, that’s my rant