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Stay at home dads?

MyNameIsCoreyMyNameIsCorey 123 replies17 threads Junior Member
edited July 2013 in Parent Cafe
Why aren't their more situations where the man stays home with the kids and the women is the sole breadwinner?
edited July 2013
93 replies
Post edited by MyNameIsCorey on
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Replies to: Stay at home dads?

  • fendergirlfendergirl 4623 replies160 threads Senior Member
    I know more stay at home dads then moms.
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  • PhotoOpPhotoOp 1181 replies13 threads Senior Member
    I know one - in fact he lives in my house and raised my kids :)
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  • Emaheevul07Emaheevul07 5890 replies76 threads Senior Member
    I don't know any stay at home dads, and know lots of moms. I can't speak for others situations, but my fiance makes three times what I do and loves to work. He could be a stay at home dad if he wanted/needed to be. He is an excellent cook and is very compassionate and caring. He has taken a lot of time off work this last year to take care of me when I was sick, and he is a natural. He will be a good dad someday. But he loves to work, too, and I don't. So it's settled who will be home.

    I do think he would have a problem staying home and not bringing in a paycheck and letting me be the sole breadwinner. He wouldn't mind me working, and wouldn't even mind me making more than him (though I don't think he'd love that), but me making money and him not at all, I think, would bother him. He very firmly believes it is his responsibility to provide. I don't think he would want to let me take care of him in that way-- I think it is tied up in his definition of manhood and being a husband. I don't necessarily agree with him that it has to be that way, but that is how he feels.
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  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids 84228 replies1042 threadsForum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama Forum Champion
    Because generally speaking, women are more wired to be the care-givers/nurturers. Not always, though
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  • GabyauletGabyaulet 156 replies52 threads Junior Member
    My dad stays at home (to help take care for my older autistic brother) and we live off my moms income, who makes more than twice as much than what my dad did when he used to work.
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  • SikorskySikorsky 5745 replies106 threads Senior Member
    I am one.

    It's actually kind of hard and lonely. Many stay-at-home moms go for coffee, and they do stay-at-home-mom things like getting mani-pedis, and they run the PTA. Although I like coffee, I am bored by most PTA events and I don't really want a mani-pedi. Even when the moms want to include me--which, to be fair, they sometimes do--it's often awkward. I am not interested in many of their interests. On top of that, virtually any time a man joins what was previously a group of women, the group dynamic changes. And the way to get that group-of-gals feeling back is pretty obvious.

    There are more stay-at-home dads now than there were when I left the work force. It may be less lonely for them if they've reached a critical mass, so to speak. But their kids are much younger than mine, and we're at very different stages of our lives. I don't want after-school play dates or Cub Scouts. So it's not a lot of help to me.

    @Ema--it's very hard not to think the way your fianc
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  • dadxdadx 2643 replies9 threads Senior Member
    What people normally do is that the person with the best economic productivity goes to work, and the other one stays home if the situation doesn't make sense for both to work.

    More and more, glass ceiling myths not withstanding, there are women who are able to make the larger salary. In those cases, especially where the woman is highly compensated, having the male work for his own edification may be at odds with the best thing for the children.

    I'm know of several Mr. Mom situations, and there will likely be more in the future. I think it scares the bejesus out of a lot of regular stay-at-home moms, though :)
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    In an awful lot of families today no one is staying at home, both parents are working and juggling like crazy. Our family did that, and I out-earned my husband for almost all of our married life together (23 years, I think I out-earned him for 21 of those years).
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  • poetgrlpoetgrl 13231 replies103 threads Senior Member
    Since both my husband and I worked while the kids were growing up, neither of my daughters have any desire to be a SAHM. My oldest is very ambitious and her fianc
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  • Emaheevul07Emaheevul07 5890 replies76 threads Senior Member
    Sikorsky, I can understand why it would be hard, in my way. He was very sick a few months ago and when I had to leave for work instead of staying home with him, it felt like I was not doing my job at all. He didn't even really need me but it was how I felt. I guess we are just wired traditionally. I feel like my day job really interferes with what I feel is my REAL job. We won't both work after the wedding if we don't have to. I will be the one at home, even though I am college educated and he is not. I would probably be able to out-earn him eventually, but that is not what is important to us-- we both need to feel fulfilled. He needs to work and I need time to do the things that are important to me.
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  • cromettecromette 2593 replies21 threads Senior Member
    My DH is the SAHD, and we're about to have an empty nest. I depend on him a lot for so many things. I'd never make it without him. I make WAY more than twice his earning potential. It just worked out that he was a logical choice to stay home.
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  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 34785 replies1076 threads Senior Member
    I have never had a mani pedi in my life.:(

    In my blue collar group of friends, few stay ay home dads because they cant generally work from home unless they are self employed & then their job is more likely to require an off site location & power tools.
    Few stay at home moms either actually, they often cant afford it, however if they were like my family- I stayed home because Hs schedule of three weekends on & one weekend off. -and swing shift at that ( for 17 years) did not allow me enough flexibility or cash to work outside the home.
    However, H was able to take time off whenever he wanted, to attend a week long field trip with our oldest for instance- which was much appreciated by the girls & their classrooms.

    Oldest graduated from high school in 2000- youngest in 2008 for comtext.

    In my professional group of friends, quite a few stay at home dads- many of whom had been attorneys & were just looking for a way to get out of that path.
    Their wives were more than successful enough to raise kids in a fairly pricey city with just one full time income.
    By quite a few, I would guess that of those with kids of elementary school age- 1/3 were Sahms, 1/3 were sahds and 1/3 traded off as equal as Id ever seen it work.
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  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes 33425 replies767 threads Senior Member
    My dad was a SAHD from the time I was in middle school onward. He is the far more nurturing out of the two of my parents lol. He never had a problem staying busy though. He ran the youth basketball program in our city, always coached my teams, etc. Heck, I think he was out of the house more as a SAHD than he was when he was working lol.

    My fiance will be a SAHD if all works out like we want. I will never be a SAHM. I've been without a paying job for a week now and my nerves are through the roof. I couldn't imagine 18+ years.

    I actually think I do know more SAHDs than SAHMs now. I don't know too many SAHPs in general though.
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  • colorado_momcolorado_mom 9158 replies81 threads Senior Member
    Because generally speaking, men earn more money.

    DH and I decided early on that our best plan was for us both work. It was not always easy, but it made finances easier... especially when he was out of work for a year.
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  • stressedoutttstressedouttt 3980 replies131 threads Senior Member
    Why does it matter either way?
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    That's the million dollar question.
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  • kelsmomkelsmom 15737 replies99 threads Senior Member
    I think staying home is very isolating, personally.
    It certainly does not have to be isolating. I never felt the least bit isolated in my 19-1/2 years away from the full time workforce. I absolutely loved being a SAHM. It's not for everyone, but it was for me. H would have gone crazy had he stayed home ... I was the logical choice because I had the temperament to stay home. I lost a lot of money during my off-years, and my earning power is nowhere near what it should be after my years away ... but for our family, it was the right choice. My cousin's H is a SAHD, and they are also happy with their choice. For those of us - male or female - who want to be home, it is a good option.
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  • lololulololu 1406 replies50 threads Senior Member
    My dad was a stay at home dad. And this was the 1950's. My mother had a high-powered job, made good money and loved the pull of the working world. My father was a gentle man who in an early time would have been known as "a gentleman and a scholar". It worked for them, they both were happy and considered each other the love of their life. It worked for us -- all seven of us kids thought my mother was what every woman should be and thought my father was the most amazing man that ever lived. (Even if he did insist on arguing Constitutional Law with you as you tried to eat breakfast and make it out the door to the school bus in ten minutes).
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  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 34785 replies1076 threads Senior Member
    It may not make a difference when considering sahms or sahds as a group, but it certainly makes a difference to the individual families.
    Our society is not very supportive of either families with two working out of the home parents or where one stays at home ( or for that matter single parents)
    If we want to raise a generation that doesnt have to spend as much money on therapy as they did on their college tuition, it might be time to be a bit more flexible and accommodating for workers.
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    Our society is not very supportive of either families with two working out of the home parents or where one stays at home ( or for that matter single parents)
    Sounds like society isn't pleased with any setup.

    Best thing to do: Work out a dynamic that is beneficial for your family.
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