The Distance Question: How Far Away From Home Is OK?

Roger_Dooley · March 2015

Whether you are in the final stage of choosing where to attend or just starting to build your college list, one question that is bound to come up is distance. While some students and parents have the attitude that one should pick the best fit school, regardless of location, I've seen all kinds of strategies that revolve around location. For example,
1) No school farther than a couple of hours away by car to allow family interaction to continue during the school year.
2) No school within a half-day's drive to discourage excessive parental visits and/or weekend trips home.
3) Only in-state schools.
4) Only out-of-state schools to avoid college seeming like an extension of high school.
5) Only distant schools likely to provide a very different environment from home, e.g., urban vs. rural, West Coast vs. Midwest, etc.

This isn't a new issue. Years ago, a friend of mine's dad said he'd pay for college only if my friend went out of state. He wasn't trying to get rid of him (I don't think), but wanted him to have a different life experience.

What's your distance strategy?

washugrad · March 2015

We live in CA, so East Coast is a *long* plane ride. My oldest is a senior and initially I wanted her to consider East Coast and midwest-with-a-decent-airport schools just to have enough options, but she is pretty particular about climate and really wanted to stay on the west coast. She hasn't made her final decision but her top 3 are all about a 10 hour drive/ 1.5 hour flight from home. I was a little bummed that she didn't get into the other good choice that's 2 hours drive from home, but this will be fine.
I'm still okay at this point if my younger kids want to go further, but quite happy if they don't.

minohi · March 2015

You would think that my parents would be the ones to tell me to stay to close to home, but this isn't the case in my situation. In reality, my extended family are the ones who refuse to let me go far from home. They begged me to follow in the footsteps of my brother and attend Oakland University, the non-flagship state school that is located literally down the street from my house. Dare I even mention the possibility of going out of state for college, they cry and claim that I'm trying to get away from them. I was recently accepted to my dream school, University of Rochester. Instead of being greeted with congratulations and hugs, I was verbally assaulted. I was told that I don't love them, and that I was trying to get as far away as physically possible. My cousins even started to cry. I feel trapped and constricted. But the one thing that is important to remember is that you are going to college to better your life. Don't let anyone but you and your parents/guardians influence your decision. It's ultimately not up to my extended family where I attend college, and even though I love them very much, I have to do this one for me. So no, I won't be attending my local university for them, but rather I'll be attending a school for me.

whenhen · March 2015

4) Only out-of-state schools to avoid college seeming like an extension of high school.

This is so dependent on the state and what type of students go to the various colleges. For instance, during non holiday weekends, the drive from my house to UC Berkeley takes a good 7 hours and I don't even live close to the California border. Typically almost no high school sends more than 10 students per year to UC Berkeley or most of the other UCs so there's little chance of it feeling like a continuation of the school. By contrast, the state of Delaware has only two state universities, and it takes a little more than an hour to traverse the state. Going out of state in Delaware might mean driving half an hour into PA versus at least 4 hours for most of CA. IMO the cultural differences between Southern and Northern CA are probably greater than those of Wilmington, DE versus Philadelphia, PA.

Planner · March 2015

Good for you, @minohi, and congratulations on getting into your dream school!

As for us, we didn't place any distance restrictions on our son—any and all schools were fine with us, though we definitely would prefer that he stay within California. It's his life, so he should be able to choose where he goes to school. That said, I do think some locations, especially those in California, have a very strong appeal for many students. And other locations can end up being a major hassle travel-wise (and expense-wise)—definitely something to consider as the student contemplates making that trek 2-3 times a year. My sense is that being within, say, a day's drive (or less) of the student's college can be very helpful, not only for moving the student in and out each year but also for occasional visits during the shorter school breaks, such as over Thanksgiving.

Osserpusser · March 2015

We believe it totally depends on the child. We have 2 sons thriving well out of state, both at the perfect school for him respectively. Our daughter is not as mature nor as academic, so we'd like her to stay in state (and she wants to). The only place it matters is if there is no OOS aid at a school and it's not in your budget OR if it's so far away that holidays home are an issue and a huge expense.

WasatchWriter · March 2015

Utah is not like other states. DD wanted out, and we supported that.

hungryteenager · March 2015

I was pretty upset that there was no college on Mars. Futurama lied to me

profparent · March 2015

Many years ago, when I was applying to colleges, I insisted I wanted to get out of the country for a different experience. My mother talked me into the opposite coast being far enough away for independence and an academic adventure. Similarly my husband, from Canada, went to college in the US for a change of pace. Now, our DS is choosing colleges and is adamant that he wants to stay in state, no more than 3-4 hours from home. We are both delighted and perplexed, but are respecting his wishes just as our own parents did.

tomofboston · March 2015

I am from Boston and my first criterion in choosing a school was that it be outside of New England. I ended up at McGill University in Montréal. I had the full support of my parents and it ended up being my lowest cost option. It was a maturing and mind opening experience yet I was only 300 miles from home, an easy 6 hour drive or 1 hour flight. It also gave me the opportunity to become bilingual and led to an rewarding career in international banking. Oh, and I met my wife there as a wonderful bonus!

The best college experience is one where you get out of your comfort zone.

lauriejgs · March 2015

My D does not like to fly, so she ruled out any school more than about 300 miles away. It wasn't a hardship, as we live in NJ and are within 300 miles of tons of schools. That said, she was not interested in staying in NJ. She will be in upstate NY.

zobroward · March 2015

minimum 100 miles! that way you do not run home every time you hit a rough spot in a relationship, class etc...

learninginprog · March 2015

We never placed any mileage on kiddos. We actually expected them to spread their wings as far as they could and they did.

giterdone · March 2015

Money, of course, is a consideration. So, reciprocity between neighboring States (or lack thereof) was a factor. Beyond that, we had a pretty hard and fast 500 mile rule. Even though we toyed more with that boundary with S'15... he, on his own, found his way into our State Flagship.

SephardicJewESA · March 2015

My parents nor I cared about the distance at all (thank god)

albert69 · March 2015

To answer the question set out in the title - I honestly think that the distance from someone's home to Oklahoma could be measured using Google Maps.

2wuhanmom · March 2015

My oldest is a junior at a university that is a two-hour direct flight from home. In theory this is quite manageable, but in practice not so much. Over the past three years the number of direct flights has fallen dramatically while the cost (of course) has gone up. Then there are the hassles of storing belongings over the summer. For my younger child we will be aiming for a college within driving distance.

leftygolf · March 2015

Both of my sons wanted to stay within a reasonable driving distance and applied almost exclusively to schools within a 5-6 hour radius. I would say that 3 to 4 hours away is optimal. Close enough to visit them on rare occasions and for them to come home once or twice per semester.

pinkwhitered · March 2015

I only applied to East Coast schools - mainly in New England, New York, and Pennsylvania. From the get-go of my college search, I knew that I wanted to attend an Ivy League university, and I am happy to say that I have been admitted to one and I will likely attend. That was really the focus of my college list, and luckily, I already lived on the East Coast.

Besides that, I knew I wanted to be in or around New York City, where I've grown up for the past 17 years. It's a marvelous place to get an education with its array of museums and attractions. There is really no place I would rather be.

My parents had nothing to do with my college choices. Nothing at all. My mom said that if I wanted to apply to Stanford or UC Berkeley, then that was fine by her. But I knew I wouldn't attend either of those school, even if I were to be admitted. I would have to fly just to visit the school, which is annoying. And there are hundreds of colleges of comparable quality here on the East Coast that's there was really no point to looking anywhere else. Is rather just drive to my college.

giterdone · March 2015

And there are hundreds of colleges of comparable quality here

That's one of the reasons for our boundary. Not as a "limit" but rather, to provide a guide and focus and respecting what we (from experience) know is pragmatic. If any one of our DC felt it was a problem? they could've tried to negotiate an expansion. Neither did or tried. And I think for obvious reasons.

spacelover17 · March 2015

@minohi‌ I'm sorry your relatives reacted like this

I know how you feel. When I got accepted to my dream school (Caltech), my mother was very happy (even though she'd been the one in the beginning of high school to want me to go close to home). However, my father was quite upset. Though he didn't say anything directly to me that weekend, the atmosphere at home felt like we were in mourning rather than celebrating an honestly unexpected achievement. I understand myself that distance and cost are important issues to consider, but with all the academic pressure put on me since I was young, I've become adverse to the idea of going to a state school (unless I lived in California and could attend UC Berkeley or the like). He'd hoped I'd get into MIT so that Caltech wouldn't be a question (and I would've been very satisfied with MIT), but I got rejected. And most importantly, Caltech has been my first really selective school that I've been accepted to. My self esteem was in the dumps for the last few months, but Caltech brought me out of it, and I was bummed that at least half of my family couldn't appreciate that aspect. But if I had other comparable and more financially wise options and then I still insisted on Caltech then I could still understand his complaint. But Caltech has been the only really selective university I've been accepted to with a top-notch physics program. Until I get in anywhere else, can't they be happy about what I do have? My aunt (my dad's sister) didn't even congratulate me. She just said "oh, I'm sure you'll get into a good school on the East coast" and is hell-bent on convincing my dad that Caltech is an awful place (like insisting distance is a bad idea, citing examples of a girl who fainted at home because she didn't eat enough at college and saying thank goodness that girl commuted, claiming Caltech has a 85-15 guy-girl ratio, etc.). It's making spring break at her place quite torturous, and I'm incredibly saddened by this.

Sorry for the rant. The emotions were just building up.

The Distance Question: How Far Away From Home Is OK?

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