Co-ed bathroom in dorms - am I crazy and how can I find out details from schools on our list?

Sue22 · January 2018

@ccprofandmomof2 I granted you one incidence of voyeurism four years ago among the millions of men and women attending college. I'm sure there have been more, but my point wasn't that it has never happened, but that the vast majority of bathroom assaults happen in single gender bathrooms.

I think it's likely that @mathmom's right, that the chances of a women being assaulted in a women's room are greater than they are in a gender neutral bathroom where an assailant knows they have a possibility of running into a man.

In any case, students are free to choose schools with only gender segregated bathrooms or where they will be guaranteed private bathrooms. To each their own.

austinmshauri · January 2018

@ccprofandmomof2, I work on a college campus that's bordered on all sides by a small city. During the school year our building is unlocked all day and anyone can enter. It's also open 24/7 to over 200 STEM students (and whoever else they happen to let in). When I left work tonight it was late. There were only a few people left in my building, and none of them were on the first floor where I work. This isn't a rare situation, and I'm always concerned for my safety when I'm one of the last ones out. However, I have the advantage of knowing that if there's a man in the bathroom, he doesn't belong there. If the bathrooms were gender neutral, anyone could be there whenever they wanted. There's nothing preventing people from being in other parts of the building, of course, but at least in that one small space I'll be able to recognize a male intruder immediately. It's not a fun way to end the day.

mmmyaisinuse · January 2018

My D was going through the Williams or Amherst? exercise....and this ended up being the reason she ended up EDing to Amherst. Didn't bother me as much, but to my D it apparently was just enough to tilt the scale. Which ended up being a good thing since she was accepted. I wonder if colleges are even aware of this issue...that when kids choose schools the smallest of things actually do matter.

1or2Musicians · January 2018

I live in a college town. There was a fairly well publicized voyeurism incident in the dorms a couple of years ago. It was a women’s restroom.

The fact that a bad thing happened in a coed restroom doesn’t mean it happened because the restroom was coed.

jeneric · January 2018

@mmmyaisinuse I agree the smallest things can tip the scale- but I doubt a college would care. They have more applicants waiting in line.

SwimmingDad · January 2018

@mmmyaisinuse They do but they cannot be ruled by n=1; they must meet the desires of the majority to maximize interest and applications. And that leaves the market open to other colleges to go after other niches: catholic; christian; Jewish; way way liberal; artsy; business focused. It's what makes our system great....choices. The fact that parents are obsessed with the same few colleges is a parent problem; there are lots of choices.

When I went through this process with my oldest there were definitely schools that we left within an hour of arriving...they were .just not for him. I'm about to take my first short road trip with my second (and youngest) to three schools. I'm sure he will say "we're outta here" to at least one of them. This is what happens in a free market economy. I kind of like it.

momofthreeboys · January 2018

Agree, no one should be "dissed" for having something on the desired list (or not). What trumps what in terms of what colleges offer is individual and not irrational. As parents we have some obligation to respect our children and their opinions. We can point out through dialogue how we might feel different, without being dismissive. Same for adults engaged in discussion. IMO, your personal space is very high on the list. Others may thrive where they are planted or "go-along" if they don't have strong feelings. I'm not one one that subscribes to the "they will get used to it" train of thought...some will and some won't.

OHMomof2 · January 2018

@mmmyaisinuse My D was going through the Williams or Amherst? exercise....and this ended up being the reason she ended up EDing to Amherst. Didn't bother me as much, but to my D it apparently was just enough to tilt the scale. Which ended up being a good thing since she was accepted. I wonder if colleges are even aware of this issue...that when kids choose schools the smallest of things actually do matter.

This is confusing to me, because D goes to Amherst and her dorms have always had gender neutral bathrooms. In some cases also gendered ones.

How is Williams different?

Hanna · January 2018

"I doubt a college would care. They have more applicants waiting in line."

Any college, whether it's Harvard or Whoville State, ignores student preferences at its own peril. All the applicants are not created equal. They want the students they want. If they're losing students they deem desirable to their competitors, they generally will act to change those students' minds. That's how we end up with lazy rivers in the student gym.

doschicos · January 2018

Colleges and universities welcome diversity. Part of welcoming that diversity is providing places where students feel comfortable. For personal and religious reasons, some students will be uncomfortable with coed bathrooms. If you are one of these students, definitely contact the Residential Life office as they will most likely have options for you. As stated many times before in this conversation, most schools will have options like female only housing and other set-ups. As I posted back in post #8, MIT, which was the school at the crux of this conversation, has an all female dorm option.

Co-ed bathroom in dorms - am I crazy and how can I find out details from schools on our list?

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