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Articles: Expert Advice
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Dorm room reasonable compromises
Beenthere22
Registered User Posts: 36 Junior Member
in College Life
I am helping guide my child on some issues with one of 2 roommates. That roommate studies a lot and wants to study in the triple dorm room. When studying, that roommate wants the other roommates to be quiet (not talking to each other) and the roommate wants the 2 overhead lights on. My child wants to talk to her 3rd roommate in the evenings in the room and wants to go to sleep (on the early side, around 10) with overhead lights off. Efforts so far are that my child uses a sleep mask, and roommate listens to music on headphones when studying. Third roommate agrees with my child. Child has approached roommate without luck and I am just trying to get a sense of what is reasonable, when one roommate wants to use the room as a quiet study space, and the others view it more as a living space.
Replies to: Dorm room reasonable compromises
On the other hand--what is the worst that can happen--that your daughter picks up the same study habits, gets very high grades, and gets great job offers ?
Expecting to be able to study in complete quiet all the time, especially in a triple, isn’t realistic IMO. I had a quad and never even tried to study in my room. If I had a novel to read or something, maybe I’d lie in bed and read it but any heavy duty studying was done elsewhere.
A reasonable compromise might be quiet after a certain hour but during other times, find somewhere else or study while we chat or whatever.
I agree with happy1 that the dorm room is living space. Every college we toured had designated quiet spaces for studying.
I also think 10 pm would be awfully early for lights out in college so I think it's great your child is already willing to use a sleep mask.
* Overheads off at 11 if someone wants to sleep
* Desk/bed lamp for studying after 11 if lights are out
* If everyone is awake, regardless of time, talking is permitted.
* If someone is sleeping, 11pm - 9 am quiet time.
1) Think about the reasonableness of your request. Having an absolutely quiet room is not reasonable for 3 people. There are other places to study..both in the dorm and the library. But lights off at 10:00 may not be reasonable...I would look at the "quiet hours" and go by them in both cases. Usually quiet hours are 11:00 to 8am on weekdays At those times
2) Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. Try eyemasks for Roommate 2 and Earplugs/headphones or moving for Roommate 1.
3) Discuss issue with Roommate. Say that you are wondering if s/he could use headphones when they desire queit.
4) See if roommate is compromising...No, s/he won't use headphones.
5)Think about what you want to the end result to be..that works for both of you. For example: Overhead Lights out at 11:00, and roommate 1 goes elsewhere or uses headphones if they want quiet.
6) Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps and ask for help in resolving the situation. "RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. <describe issue>."
Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.
7) Follow the contract..and if your roommate doesn't, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.
8) If RA doesn't follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the "chain of command"...that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from using your room.
One of my DDs was in a triple her freshman year and it was very hard. She had a great RA though and that lead to DD15 becoming an RA and now an Assistant Resident Director this year. DD18 is spending her freshman year also in a triple and she says that it's been fine because although none of them are best of friends, they are all considerate, easy going and willing to communicate.