Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

Dorm room reasonable compromises

Beenthere22Beenthere22 Registered User Posts: 36 Junior Member
I am helping guide my child on some issues with one of 2 roommates. That roommate studies a lot and wants to study in the triple dorm room. When studying, that roommate wants the other roommates to be quiet (not talking to each other) and the roommate wants the 2 overhead lights on. My child wants to talk to her 3rd roommate in the evenings in the room and wants to go to sleep (on the early side, around 10) with overhead lights off. Efforts so far are that my child uses a sleep mask, and roommate listens to music on headphones when studying. Third roommate agrees with my child. Child has approached roommate without luck and I am just trying to get a sense of what is reasonable, when one roommate wants to use the room as a quiet study space, and the others view it more as a living space.

Replies to: Dorm room reasonable compromises

  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 6,197 Senior Member
    Unreasonable to expect to be able to study in complete silence in the evening in a triple IF there is an available study room in the dorm, open school library or open vacant classrooms.

    On the other hand--what is the worst that can happen--that your daughter picks up the same study habits, gets very high grades, and gets great job offers ?
  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 6,197 Senior Member
    edited September 2018
    Another thought: I bet that there are a lot of parents & other students who would cherish such a roommate for their child or themselves. If too much interference with preferred lifestyle/too incompatible, maybe they could explore changing roommates to better match up their lifestyles/study habits.
  • 1or2Musicians1or2Musicians Registered User Posts: 1,353 Senior Member
    I think using a sleep mask is pretty accommodating at 10. That’s a bit early for college students but not extremely so. It’s not like she’s going to bed st 8! I’m also not sure all the overhead lights need to be on for studying.

    Expecting to be able to study in complete quiet all the time, especially in a triple, isn’t realistic IMO. I had a quad and never even tried to study in my room. If I had a novel to read or something, maybe I’d lie in bed and read it but any heavy duty studying was done elsewhere.

    A reasonable compromise might be quiet after a certain hour but during other times, find somewhere else or study while we chat or whatever.
  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 4,530 Senior Member
    Sound like they need to have another conversation all together. They can pull in the RA too.

    I agree with happy1 that the dorm room is living space. Every college we toured had designated quiet spaces for studying.

    I also think 10 pm would be awfully early for lights out in college so I think it's great your child is already willing to use a sleep mask.
  • Beenthere22Beenthere22 Registered User Posts: 36 Junior Member
    Thanks. I rarely studied in my dorm room, so I am just trying to get a sense of what is reasonable. There are study lounges in the dorm, but roommate finds them too loud. The roommate definitely needs to give them another try, only checked them out once right after classes started. My child plans to speak to roommate again tonight and suggest getting RA's involved in discussion. - Publisher - I have certainly recommended following roommate's study habits, but my child needs quite a bit of sleep and has early morning classes every day (as do both roommates)
  • tsicklestsickles Registered User Posts: 14 New Member
    Sounds like roommate needs to invest in noise cancelling headphones or earplugs if every place she could possibly study is too loud. Or earbuds. It seems like the roommate wants to study in their room, and any excuse will do to stay there, and that's not fair to the others who might need to talk to one another, on the on phone, or just have company over in what is essentially their home. If the study lounge is too loud, she should try the library.
  • svlab112svlab112 Registered User Posts: 475 Member
    My opinion:

    * Overheads off at 11 if someone wants to sleep
    * Desk/bed lamp for studying after 11 if lights are out
    * If everyone is awake, regardless of time, talking is permitted.
    * If someone is sleeping, 11pm - 9 am quiet time.
  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU Posts: 12,699 Forum Champion
    Roommate 1 wants room perfectly quiet to study and have lights . Roommate 2 wants lights off at 10:00.

    1) Think about the reasonableness of your request. Having an absolutely quiet room is not reasonable for 3 people. There are other places to study..both in the dorm and the library. But lights off at 10:00 may not be reasonable...I would look at the "quiet hours" and go by them in both cases. Usually quiet hours are 11:00 to 8am on weekdays At those times

    2) Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. Try eyemasks for Roommate 2 and Earplugs/headphones or moving for Roommate 1.

    3) Discuss issue with Roommate. Say that you are wondering if s/he could use headphones when they desire queit.

    4) See if roommate is compromising...No, s/he won't use headphones.

    5)Think about what you want to the end result to be..that works for both of you. For example: Overhead Lights out at 11:00, and roommate 1 goes elsewhere or uses headphones if they want quiet.

    6) Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps and ask for help in resolving the situation. "RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. <describe issue>."

    Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.

    7) Follow the contract..and if your roommate doesn't, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.

    8) If RA doesn't follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the "chain of command"...that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from using your room.
  • redandblackredandblack Registered User Posts: 120 Junior Member
    Wow no. There are many places other than the room that the roommate can go to study....there are not other places your child can go to sleep. Not reasonable.
  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 6,197 Senior Member
    The requirement to keep both overhead lights on is not reasonable. Buy a desk lamp.
  • mycleomycleo Registered User Posts: 8 New Member
    OP, My D is also in a triple this year. It is totally unreasonable to expect two young ladies to remain quiet in order for one room mate to study every night. All three must be willing to compromise and come to an understanding.
  • WWC4meWWC4me Registered User Posts: 201 Junior Member
    I would recommend that your DD sit with her two roommates and do a "Roommate Agreement." Silence in the room at just about any time is fairly unreasonable. Lights off at 11 or 11:30 PM sounds like a good compromise. They can put just about anything in the agreement. If one or more of the roomies is having trouble compromising then they should go to the RA and/or housing (I will tell you that most will ask if they've done a roommate agreement first or at least a roommate meeting.)
    One of my DDs was in a triple her freshman year and it was very hard. She had a great RA though and that lead to DD15 becoming an RA and now an Assistant Resident Director this year. DD18 is spending her freshman year also in a triple and she says that it's been fine because although none of them are best of friends, they are all considerate, easy going and willing to communicate.
  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU Posts: 12,699 Forum Champion
    But first look up your dorm rules on "quiet hours" and start from that.
Sign In or Register to comment.