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My parents are making me dorm with my sister (follow up)

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Replies to: My parents are making me dorm with my sister (follow up)

  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @Lindagaf - I did read all of the advice from my last post, and I appreciated it all. I wasn't aware of the stipulations on this website and I didn't know talking about a closed discussion was against the rules. I won't do it again, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I didn't exactly mean to be a hit-and-run. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 10163 replies118 threads Senior Member
    Maybe your sister wont get accepted?

    I have to say that I would feel incredibly stifled in your shoes so I can totally understand your angst. The good news is that it is time limited. Your time in college will fly by, and then once you graduate and are employed, you can do exactly what you want.

    My advice to you is to get involved in stuff on campus, study with friends outside your room, etc... You can still make your college experience what you want it to be. Be busy enough on weekends that your parents cant demand you come home - be part of an academic team or whatever you are interested in that ties up your weekend time!
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    My dad doesn't even want me to apply for financial aid because he thinks it's pointless. He says we don't "qualify" for it so I shouldn't worry about it. I never got the chance to apply anywhere else as they didn't want me moving anywhere else. I feel like I'm getting robbed of a very important time in my life where I need to start making decisions for my own self, like applying to schools that are within budget that I would like to go to. Unfortunately I was never given that opportunity.
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @momofsenior1 - thank you for this :) I definitely intend on getting involved and making a new life for myself -- even if it's only 30 minutes away from home.
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  • lookingforwardlookingforward 35380 replies399 threads Senior Member
    FYI, you don't need separate posts to respond to multiple people. Just answer in the white box at the bottom and include any poster names.

    You can have a normal college experience even living with your sister. You make friends, join activities and study groups, and based on your own shedule, maybe not even dine with her (or not always.) This isn't much different than if you roomed with a hs acquaintance.

    As for them moving, you'll find a way to deal with that. Call them, see them once in a while, that's a small proportion of your overall time. You can enjoy yourself.
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  • raclutraclut 3757 replies239 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2019
    I do think that your parents are a bit controlling and are not able to accept the fact that you are now adult students that now need to learn to become independent. Now that I think about it sharing a dorm with your sister won't be so bad. At least you won't have to worry about a bad room mate that is causing you stress.

    I would say focus on the college experience while you are living there. Do your best in your classes and focus on getting involved in clubs. During summer working on internships might take you to living in different cities. Realize this is a temporary situation and just take it one school year at a time. The scenario may change after a year and your parents may realize that your are busy with your classes and activities that you don't have time to come home since you need to be on campus.

    I will say this that when parents are micromanaging it just creates distance and resentment and at times can appear suffocating. Parents don't realize that by doing this they are actually going to have kids who distance themselves in the future because they feel suffocated. They may not realize it now but one day they will and have their regrets. The sign of good parenting is allowing your children to grow and become independent so that they can learn life skills and learn to manage things on their own and not be dependent on parents.

    Once you get your degree you are free to take a job in any city you please. They can not keep moving wherever you decide would be best for your career.

    Just wondering if your parents are first generation here and that you and your sister are the first to study here. That would explain their behavior. It could be fear of the unknown and how things work over here or perhaps that was the way they were raised.
    edited January 2019
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @raclut - Yeah, I guess it's just a waiting game now. And yeah, my dad has a masters but my mom never finished college.
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  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 43226 replies471 threads Senior Member
    First, there's no guarantee you'll have a room with your sister. Don't tell your parents, but just because you request a roommate, you may not end up with that person.At some universities, it's a complete lottery. At others, they look into your habits (if that's what they use at your university, just make sure to indicate different habits than your sister's. Only thing you can't triffle with is whether you're a morning person or not, because if yu say you're a morning person and you're not for real, how do you deal with a ROTC roommate who gets up at 5:30 am? :p)
    Also, what sort of dorm are you talking about? Most dorms are one room, with two desks, two beds, etc, and the students share the same room - they don't have an apartment with two rooms in it. The "pods" or "suites" that you liked tend to have, indeed, 4 rooms for 4 people although some have 2 rooms for 4 people who share a bathroom.
    Have you visited the university yet? Spent an overnight there? If not, you should make a request ASAP.
    Have you applied to the Honors college? If it's by invitation or you need to have specific stats, are you near their typical profile? If so, do apply.
    Your sister is probably as unhappy about this as you are. But it's WAY better to be living on campus than to be commuting, even if you live with your sister. You just make sure to have a packed schedule :)
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  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri 9861 replies379 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2019
    OP, you can talk about closed threads. They can contain useful information. But if you want a thread to stay open you have to respond to it.

    I think it's an unfortunate situation and you can't do much right now. If you aren't placed with your sister or your sister's college plans change will your parents still allow you to dorm?
    edited January 2019
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  • raclutraclut 3757 replies239 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2019
    Is it possible that your parents are moving to the state where the college is located in hopes of being able to pay instate tuition?

    As far as dorms go I don't know if they would allow a male and female to share a dorm space. Usually males are in one dorm room and females in another though there are coed buildings. The only way I would think you could be living in the same apartment is if you both got something off campus together.

    I am assuming you are the brother living with his sister.
    edited January 2019
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  • gearmomgearmom 3964 replies6 threads Senior Member
    @cupcakehinata Does it really matter where you sleep? You barely spend any time in your room or don't have to. What does it matter. Better than a nightmare roommate. Just go and enjoy yourself. Just because your parents are nearby doesn't mean you will likely see them.
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  • ClassicRockerDadClassicRockerDad 6202 replies163 threads Senior Member
    I totally sympathize with your situation. If you are 18, you are not "growing up too fast", you are "grown up". It's unfortunate that your parents won't let you make your own mistakes. I don't think that you are ungrateful at all. I think that your parents are being unreasonable.

    Ok, so you have this situation. People say that your choices are to dorm with sister, or commute, but there are other choices, move out and get a job, or join something like Americorps, FEMAcorps or City Year where you get to do some form of community service in exchange for a stipend, room and board. If it appeals to you, you could join the military, but if it doesn't don't do that.

    What do you want out of college academically, what are your aspirations?

    If you're going to college for some particular mission (like a preprofessional program that you want), go and dorm with your sister and just sleep there. (I assume that you are female or it would be really weird). If you don't have particular plans for college but want the independence, maybe considering delaying college and apply to a program like Americorps or City year in a distant city. This will give you the independent life that you crave, and will also eventually condition your parents to understand that if they want to have a relationship with you, they have to let you live independently.
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @MYOS1634 - the university I am going to has apartment-style suites. It offers 4 bedrooms suites that can hold up to 8 people, and they also offer 2 bedroom suits that usually hold 2, which is what my parents want us to get.
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @racult - I am staying in state. I am only moving to a different city.
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @austinmshauri - honestly, I have no idea at this point.
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  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 43226 replies471 threads Senior Member
    In that case, your parents may have you both put that choice as first choice and make you both request each other as roommates.....and there's no telling whether you WILL get assigned those spots. (this type of dorms tends of be reserved for upperclassmen). Don't tell them, do what they say and kept your fingers crossed you get another roommate ;-)
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  • damon30damon30 1147 replies5 threads Senior Member
    edited January 2019
    I am assuming you are the brother living with his sister.
    Really? I thought it was pretty clear the OP is female. (Or maybe that's just because the screen name made me think of Hinata Hyuga from Naruto, who is somewhat of a "cup cake".)
    edited January 2019
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @damon30 - yes, I am indeed a female.
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  • cupcakehinatacupcakehinata 25 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @momofsenior1 - I really hope so!!
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This discussion has been closed.