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Did you prepare your kids to be good college roommates?
Meddy
524 replies35 threads Member
Or did you just send them off? Did you have specific conversations around this and if so, what did that look like?
D18 has a real (fill in the blank with whatever you like). I'd like to think we prepared our daughter her whole life, but more so the last two years as we all had college dorms on the brain. We would point out things that we thought could use improvement to step up her roommate game. "You don't want to be thaaaat roommate!" We spoke of how to look out for each other, check in, respecting one another's space, not just housekeeping stuff. It was good stuff, too.
I really need to hear we aren't the exception [-O<
77 replies D18 has a real (fill in the blank with whatever you like). I'd like to think we prepared our daughter her whole life, but more so the last two years as we all had college dorms on the brain. We would point out things that we thought could use improvement to step up her roommate game. "You don't want to be thaaaat roommate!" We spoke of how to look out for each other, check in, respecting one another's space, not just housekeeping stuff. It was good stuff, too.
I really need to hear we aren't the exception [-O<
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Replies to: Did you prepare your kids to be good college roommates?
Sorry to hear your D's situation is difficult this year!
Just ordered my S "The Naked Roommate" book today.
When my D went off to college, we did some of the "look out for each other" stuff right at move in. I asked if it was OK if I had the roommate's cell number and encouraged her to text me if anything was ever "off", and the moms shared contact info too. Also, along the way, when DD had some minor roommate issues, I would try to counsel her to talk it out, be considerate, and not let things fester, but be flexible and reasonable too.
I think there might be a lot more to talk about with only children. I know that having siblings has caused my kids to have to share bathrooms/space/resources already, and be considerate about others' sleeping.
When I was in college (at a school where most students came from far away), it was expected that you would tell your roommate if you were going to be away overnight because otherwise your roommate might worry. But at my son's college, where most students lived within an hour or two of the school and people often went home overnight for trivial reasons like wanting to play with their dog, it wasn't customary to tell your roommate that you were going to be away, and nobody worried.
Last night, I had a phone conversation with my younger son. He's a freshman in college, so his first time being away from home for a long stretch during which time he was able to experience what the world away from home is like, particularly in terms of human relationship. He had just gotten back from a week-long trip abroad with his orchestra mates, and this experience has really opened up his eyes about human relationships and, in particular, friendship. Prior to the trip, several of the orchestra members have formed a very tight coterie of friendship since the beginning of the freshmen year. The day before the trip abroad, one of the friends had an accident and she had to be on crutches. Once abroad, the orchestra rented a scooter for her for better mobility for sight-seeing. My son quickly learned that, except for another friend, all of the so-called friends decided to desert this kid on the scooter during the free times when they were given the opportunity for sight-seeing each city they were visiting. One time, this scooter broke down in the middle of this half-mile walk, and my son and his friend had to actually carry the heavy scooter on their shoulders to their destination. Afterward, the other able friend deserted them, as well, so my son was the only one remaining by the side of the girl on the scooter for the rest of their trips. My son isn't a confrontational type at all, but when he and the girl, now on crutches, caught up to the rest of the group on their last leg of the trip and was asked, "where the hell have you guys been!?" by the group, my son was dumbfounded and he felt he had to let the group know about what he thought of them and their selfish behavior.
The funny thing about this story is that my son never even liked the girl on the scooter based on previous experiences he has had with her. His trip abroad was so exhausting, he said, he had to crash in his bed as soon as he got back to his dorm in spite of sleeping the whole time in the 9-hour flight back to the states. The last thing he said over the phone was that he had never realized the power of good home upbringing until this trip and thanked us both for having done a great job of raising him. On the one hand, my wife and I regretted that he had missed out on full enjoyment of the trip abroad, something he had been looking forward to for months, but we were grateful that the opportunity had given him a great lesson in human relationship, responsibility, friendship and being a good citizen. Just before hanging up the call, I told him, "you did the right thing."
I'm happy to say that her three other roommates are amazing young women. They are all very respectful of each other's needs for sleep, their room is clean, they communicate very well, plus they look out for each other. They definitely tell each other if they are going to be late or are going away for the evening. I believe they even made their own Life360 group.
I now have an only daughter and she is going to need training in the roommate department, so I am watching this thread closely. I'm hoping for the best, but I am also planning to set her up in her own place as soon as whatever college she attends will permit it.
@OHMomof2 Thank you. The saving grace up to now has been that D18 loves, loves, loves her floormmates ? and they do group hugs where they knock on everyone's door and they all come out and hug. They did Secret Santa, too and have an evening tea time. We are talking giant football players, too. Oh, well.
(And I have a beautiful, smart, and really funny daughter, so if your boys are ever looking for a date ....)