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Our Sons' Experience on Tinder
higgins2013
702 replies25 threads Member
in Parent Cafe
Our shy (and naive) DS2018 son is using Tinder app, met his 1st GF this way, dated for a year, then broke-up. It was a reasonable match.
He's not put much effort into his photos. He looks kinda scruffy ("not professional"), used graduation photos w/friends, no specific "best foot forward" shots. He's a nice quiet guy, reasonably handsome though he doesn't know it. He also has an unimpressive post-college job, despite decent GPA due to current lack of serious direction. So several issues, including small dating pool in majority blue/collar little city in rural county. So not conventional "good catch" for a college grad woman?
Since break-up, matches haven't been so great. Several "one-date" meet-ups, w/some "hooking-up" occurring too. Ugh. One scary date w/bad hygiene and drug-user ex-BF; off to HIV test. Some more promising girls, w/life-direction, but difficult home-lives. One girl raised false pregnancy scare after one month of dating, w/call occurring after DS had asked to stop dating each other. These young women aren't long-term prospects, and their personal problems quickly overwhelm DS
Noted in new thread "worried DD not dating" that one parent flagged "Tinder girls asking for money". Frankly we're worried about this sort of potential manipulative situation too. DS is wary too, but wants to find a new girlfriend, and will meet whomever matches and agrees.
Work is not a likely place to do that. Also, he works every Saturday and Sunday, and church isn't a viable alternative for agnostic DS.
I'd very much other parents' advice and counsel re their own 20-something post-grad DS' experiences w/Tinder type dating apps. DS only half-listens to our advice, but seems free-sharing re experiences and own concerns.
75 replies He's not put much effort into his photos. He looks kinda scruffy ("not professional"), used graduation photos w/friends, no specific "best foot forward" shots. He's a nice quiet guy, reasonably handsome though he doesn't know it. He also has an unimpressive post-college job, despite decent GPA due to current lack of serious direction. So several issues, including small dating pool in majority blue/collar little city in rural county. So not conventional "good catch" for a college grad woman?
Since break-up, matches haven't been so great. Several "one-date" meet-ups, w/some "hooking-up" occurring too. Ugh. One scary date w/bad hygiene and drug-user ex-BF; off to HIV test. Some more promising girls, w/life-direction, but difficult home-lives. One girl raised false pregnancy scare after one month of dating, w/call occurring after DS had asked to stop dating each other. These young women aren't long-term prospects, and their personal problems quickly overwhelm DS
Noted in new thread "worried DD not dating" that one parent flagged "Tinder girls asking for money". Frankly we're worried about this sort of potential manipulative situation too. DS is wary too, but wants to find a new girlfriend, and will meet whomever matches and agrees.
Work is not a likely place to do that. Also, he works every Saturday and Sunday, and church isn't a viable alternative for agnostic DS.
I'd very much other parents' advice and counsel re their own 20-something post-grad DS' experiences w/Tinder type dating apps. DS only half-listens to our advice, but seems free-sharing re experiences and own concerns.
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Replies to: Our Sons' Experience on Tinder
My D met her SO on some app and they have had a long-distance (he's in grad school) relationship for about 20 months. He will graduate in May and we'll see what happens next. He was interning near her city when they met. They are in related fields of work. He seems to come from a normal family. I believe both his parents are teachers which means they probably don't have criminal records. lol
Does your S have any hobbies or activities he enjoys? Surely there is some other way to meet people nowadays.
Maybe your son's issue is the small dating pool in his rural county. Can he expand his search radius? I know so many people who matched online, of all ages. We had a thread here about adult posters who found their partners that way, not as young'uns (eg, post divorce.)
Agree about ideas like MeetUp. But what's available also depends on where you are. In some areas, biking groups are a great idea, casual cyclists seem to be a very friendly group. Hiking gets people talking to each other. Committee work is a good opportunity, if the right others are there.
Yikes. Make sure he retests in a few months. And also Hep B and C... sigh.
Second, he needs to polish up his profile. Not just pictures, he needs to fill out the profile. If he doesn’t have current photos and a detailed profile, the girls he wants to meet will pass.
And third, he needs to be picky. Meet only the people he wants to meet. I know he’s not telling his parents everything, but did he hook up with a girl and thinks he has to get an hiv test? He should know better, I hope you were kidding about that.
If he asks you, though, all my 20 something friends are unanimous in their opinion of Tinder - it's for hookups, not dating. Do some people end up lucking into someone to date and have a long term relationship? Sure, but that's not what most of the users are seeking so it's not surprising it's not happening for him.
Tinder is primarily for hook ups but I've known several people in tinder relationships, including my sister who met her now husband there.
There are plenty of sites out there to meet people and the first three are good examples. Tinder, at the risk of the mothers clutching their pearls, is a better app (but not the best) for casual sex (although some have found more long-term prospects on Tinder).
Good luck to your son. Just encourage him to have activities/hobbies in his life that he likes to do is my one thought.
https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1878405-my-mom-ran-my-tinder-p1.html
I agree that Tinder is for hookups, not relationships.
What does he do in his free time? He should look into finding a group activity that matches up with his interests.
This is the sentence that is a red flag to me. He sounds desperate - not sure for what? A relationship or a hook up?
It's also surprising to me that he has revealed so much to you about his dates. That's being very open...which is good, but also I hope he realizes that some of these situations are not ok.
I agree with the advice to clean up his photos, perhaps widen his search- and also try another dating app. Is he open to another app?
Also is he jumping on a date too quickly? I know when my D1 was on Coffee Meets Bagel she was talking via the app for several exchanges before she would even agree to meet.
Well, at least the "naive" part seems to fit. He's sharing details of his Tinder hookups with his mother and she's posting them in public forum on the Internet.
I think they did expand their search radius. One girl lives about 40 min away and another about 50 minutes away. I also think that once they matched (if that's how it works), they spent plenty of time chatting on Snapchat, getting to know each other before meeting in person.
Maybe OP's son shouldn't jump right into a date?