Our Sons' Experience on Tinder

lookingforward · February 2019

They all rely on the savvy of the user. My D explained some lines that are giveaways that one party is out for a hookup. In fact, my 70 year old friend had to be corrected in some of her own wording in her description. I'd bet some of this lingo shifts over time.

Yes, in many cases, you need dialogue, first. Online and by phone.

As for scammers, I have a friend being scammed now. He's in love. He's going to marry this guy, when the guy comes back from a military stint. In less than 5 minutes, online, I learned this guy is married and shows up on scam alerts that his photo is known to be misppropriated by scammers. I can't tell him anything, without a row.

But c'mon. Have the condom conversation. Pronto.

TempeMom · February 2019

I know e-harmony has been advertising more for younger ages looking for relationships. I tend to think of it as older (both I and my office mate met our husbands on eharmony 10 years ago). My husband, who is obviously way older but this might apply, came to EH because (1) he felt if there was even a nominal up front cost that it cuts out some of the less serious women out and (2) that because it is personality based you start with compatibility and then search for chemistry versus the other way around. I've heard good things of coffee and bagels. Good luck!

JHS · February 2019

Everything can work; nothing is perfect. In general, you can leap at every possible opportunity and expect a lot of disappointments, or you can be very picky and miss a lot of opportunities. Or anything in between. You have to set the balance somewhere where it won't burn you out in a week, and go from there.

Whatever apps the OP's son uses, it makes sense to put some serious effort into crafting a profile that's attractive to the sort of women he wants to attract, and that signals what he's looking for.

milee30 · February 2019

That's part of why Tinder doesn't have much info on the profile - most people using it are looking for a hook up, not a long term relationship. You don't go looking for serious dates or a long term relationship based on a picture and three sentences (500 word limit I think.)

I am on a team that travels within the US and to other countries. Most of the teammates are 20 something guys with a few women mixed in and since I'm not their parent, they're very open with me - maybe a little too open. Without exception, every single one of them uses Tinder and they use it for hook ups, not long term dating. This has been teh case in every place we've traveled, so it doesn't appear to be regional. The team had a good laugh when they first showed me Tinder and I asked how you'd know if this is someone you'd want to date based on a picture and a few sentences... they said it's "not for dating!"

If your son wants a long term relationship he should go to sites with other people looking for the same.

Singersmom07 · February 2019

DD used Plenty of Fish and met her now husband, a shy techie guy. https://www.toptenreviews.com/services/home/best-online-dating-sites/plenty-of-fish-review/

Magnetron · February 2019

Tinder, at least the free version, has become a poor app for meeting people. The app puts the unpaid users to the bottom of the pile under all the paid users. Only those going through all the paid profiles will get down to the free ones.

Your son really needs better pictures. Find someone with photography skills and photo editing skills to raise his perceived attractiveness and thus his ELO score. Good pictures get selected way more often than poor ones, and getting selected keeps the profile toward the top of the pile.

He should add Hinge, Bumble, Coffee meets Bagel, and other free apps. Especially in thinly populated areas he needs to play the numbers game.

eyemamom · February 2019

My 20 something son refuses to do online dating. I don't suspect Mrs Right will come knocking on his door so I do worry a little bit about it.
My post grad d would use tinder when she came home, but only did it to connect to boys she knew from growing up.

She is in the early stages of a relationship with someone she's known for a few years through other friends. My son - sigh - sweet, funny, smart, kind, cute, definitely not cool or suave, but genuine - not sure how he'll ever meet anyone. It also doesn't seem to be a priority for him either. I suspect when he feels ready he's going to go hunt down a woman and marry her in 2 minutes of knowing her.

sylvan8798 · February 2019

S met a guy last summer through okcupid. They have been seeing each other for 6 months now. He seems great.

sylvan8798 · February 2019

abasket wrote:

Also is he jumping on a date too quickly?

Lol, it appears that might be the case!

HImom · February 2019

My niece met her two long term BFs on Tinder. They were/are both very nice, college-educated, as is she, and very compatible.

milee30 · February 2019

And we all know people our age who ended up marrying their drunken bar hookups. But because it "worked out" for someone we know, that still doesn't mean drunken one night stands found at a bar are how we'd recommend our kids find long term relationships. Tinder is the modern version of looking for a "date" at what us old folks called a Meet/Meat Market (bar). Seriously, old peeps. Your kids and young family members aren't going to tell you this, but it is what it is.

abasket · February 2019

^^^ I think that's a little rough.

Suffice it to say no one way is guarantee of a wonderful, "clean", lifelong relationship.

Bar hookups last forever....and not.

Dating apps last forever...and not.

And apparently I'm not an "old peep" because I've never heard or used the term "meet/meat market" for a bar or anything else.

Geez, let's take all the pleasure out of mostly pleasant dating!

milee30 · February 2019

Lol.

Tinder bears as much resemblance to dating as the phrase "Netflix and chill" bears to watching a movie/TV.

abasket · February 2019

Well, people on posts #3, 9, 19, 20 and 30 all had lasting luck with finding a good relationship on Tinder!

You're doing a disservice to those people by demeaning what worked for people important to them.

I also won't think less of a relationship that was a result of a drunken bar night. Relationships have various and sometimes different starts.

intparent · February 2019

My niece found a decent rebound relationship on Tinder. ButI agree that it has a reputation more as a hookup app.

SatchelSF · February 2019

Well, people on posts #3, 9, 19, 20 and 30 all had lasting luck with finding a good relationship on Tinder!

And King Croesus cried out, “Oh Solon! Oh Solon! Oh Solon! Count no man happy until the end is known!” (Recounted by Herodotus.)

MomofWildChild · February 2019

Well, everyone has their own experiences, but I assure you that my priest daughter wasn't looking for hookups on Tinder and she met some lovely men before settling on her current boyfriend, who is on the nerdy side and was definitely looking for a serious relationship.

PetraMC · February 2019

It was definitely a hookup app when it started but I hear it's not (just) that anymore, just like Facebook isn't only for college students and Snapchat has moved beyond nudes. Unless I'm mistaken, it's the most active dating app with people that age, so you're going to get all types.

He could try sizzle.com (for bacon lovers) or OnlyFarmers.com (if...he's a farmer) if he wants to specialize.

deb922 · February 2019

And my husband picked me up at a bar! We’ve been married 30+ years so it worked.

And absolutely it was a meat market and that’s what I called it.

People laugh when I tell them that, because we are so not cool and never were.

kelsmom · February 2019

My S met his GF on a dating site a few years ago - not Tinder, but some other site (either a site for people who don't want kids or one that has filters for people who don't want kids). They are really, really happy. S would not have met his GF any other way - dating sites seem to do the trick.

Our Sons' Experience on Tinder

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