I don’t think the college loan debt is “real” until it is (just as spending with a credit card is a lot easier than doing it with cold hard cash, somehow). When those loan payments eat into your budget to the point where they dictate where you live (and with whom), how much you save (if at all), if you get medical care when you need it (because that isn’t free, even if your employer provides it), and what you can buy, you can really start to question the value of the education. If you can make a choice that allows you to be debt free or to keep that number down to a minimum, you are giving yourself the best gift you can. We are able to fund our D’s undergraduate at a top state school and are happy to do so. If she had pushed for a private that wasn’t throwing anything her way, then, yes, she would have had to have some skin in the game. A graduate degree is also on her if she wishes to pursue it.
Just because consumer credit is relatively easy to obtain - and “everyone” seems to be doing it - it doesn’t mean it’s the only way or the right way for YOU.