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Moving in with my boyfriend for college

scrapbkrscrapbkr 0 replies1 threads New Member
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite awhile now, 1 year or so, and have been thinking about college. With this, we’ve been thinking about the future of our relationship.
We’ve come to the conclusion that the best solution to accommodate both of our needs to continue to relationship would be for us to live together in college. Well, not to continue our relationship, but to make it as desirable as possible. I assure you, this is much more thought out than I’m describing. More thought out meaning that we’ve considered: individual benefits, certain scenarios, including what might happen if we broke up, etc..
We both intend on going into the same field, so finding a suitable college wouldn’t be difficult. Right now, University of California Irvine (UCI) would be our top choice to attend. Although, neither of us have a “dream school”, or anything in that sense.
I’ll get moving on to the question at hand: How would we live together? I mean in regards to living conditions: Would we have to rent an apartment off campus?; Are there coed apartments on campus?; Should we consider trying to find more roommates?
I’m not able to find much on the internet about this topic, so it would mean a lot if someone were to help me out.
Thanks! :)
20 replies
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Replies to: Moving in with my boyfriend for college

  • 4gsmom4gsmom 868 replies29 threads Member
    I assume you're not paying for your apartment by yourself - what say your parents about this arrangement?
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  • cptofthehousecptofthehouse 30390 replies59 threads Senior Member
    It depends upon the school as to what they will have in the offering. They don’t tend to support this sort of thing because, well, relationships at your age do not tend to last, and break ups then involve the school in deciding who, if either of you, get to keep the room or apartment. In graduate school, some schools more lax about these things. People have sneaked into college housing with SOs but it’s not something schools want any part of, and I don’t blame them. You can call the schools in your list and find out exactly where they stand on your type of situation

    Your best bet is to get your own place which is what a lot of students do after freshman year at many schools anyway. Who is paying for the accommodations, the two of you, or parents?

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  • happy1happy1 23958 replies2403 threads Super Moderator
    Completely agree with the above statements -- this is a terrible idea on many different levels. Here are a few comments:
    --College admissions are unpredictable (and UCI is an increasingly tough admit). You cannot count on getting into the same schools.
    --College is a time of great change, personal growth etc. You may change and grow together or you may end up in very different places after a year or two of college. Give yourselves the opportunity to develop without feeling completely tied together.
    -- Many colleges require freshmen to live on campus and unlikely that you will be allowed to room together.
    --Who will be paying for, furnishing the apartment? Do you parents think your living together is a good idea? If not, how would you fund it? Personally, I would not entertain this arrangement for a freshman S or D.
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  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU 14500 replies106 threads Forum Champion
    1) Will your parents allow this
    2) Most colleges make you live on campus freshman year
    3) You are doing this because you are scared
    4) You don't want to limit your college because of BF (or visa versa)...my Daughter had a friend who was the top kid in the class. He could have gone to Oxford or Cambridge but followed his girlfriend to mid-low tier school. They broke up and he was stuck there.
    5) College is a transition to adult life...maybe your BF is great..or maybe not. How will you grow?
    6) If you are meant to be together, you can maintain your relationship apart.
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  • UndercrackersUndercrackers 886 replies2 threads Member
    There is a reason why you aren't finding out much info on the internet: it's not a great idea, and most colleges won't accommodate it. You are putting your 1-year HS relationship above the pursuit of a higher education/expanded career opportunities. If you two are destined to be (which, how do you know you will still be together this time next year?), then it will weather you both pursuing your educational goals as separate human beings. Even if you both wind up at the same school, I would NOT cohabitate the first year. You need to give yourselves the opportunity to meet new people and make new connections (some of which can even actually help you with your academic pursuits) while you are digesting a very life-changing experience called college - one of the main reasons why many schools require living on campus the first year. Living apart allows both physical and emotional space for both of you to grow. Also, living with someone is WAYYYY different than just dating them. You may drive each other insane. Add to that the stresses of being away from home and the demands of college, and you both may wind up miserable.

    I know that this relationship is very important to you and feels like it has legs to last the ages (because a year in teen years is forever), but you two have a lot of living left to do. You may very will regret it if one or both of you made choices that sold yourselves short in the pursuit of bolstering the relationship. I'm sorry you're not getting the advice you asked for, but you're hearing from people who've been there and who find it hard to stand by and let you think this is a good idea when it probably isn't.
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  • CardinalBobcatCardinalBobcat 165 replies2 threads Junior Member
    I knew a pair of inseparable twins who attended the same college but were prohibited (by the college) from rooming together freshman year. They were surprised and SO upset, and it was genuinely difficult for them in the beginning. However, by the end of the year, they had both formed unique friendships and were undeniably more confident than at the start. That's a much healthier situation. Starting college (at least somewhat) independently is really, really important - whether it's a question of twins, best friends, romantic partners, etc.
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  • bearcatfanbearcatfan 1183 replies12 threads Senior Member
    And even if it all works out and you end up at the same school but living apart, please do not let each other become the unofficial third roommate.

    My daughter's second semester roommate had a high school boyfriend at the same school, and he was there ALL THE TIME. He ended up on academic probation. Not sure about the girl.
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  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 43209 replies471 threads Senior Member
    edited May 2019
    Apply to 50% common colleges and 50% different. 2 safeties, 3-5 matches, a couple reaches.
    UCI is only a safety is you've got a 4.3 capped ucgpa and you're not applying for CS or business.
    What are your stats? How many AP/UC counted honors have you taken?
    What's your college budget?
    edited May 2019
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  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU 14500 replies106 threads Forum Champion
    I met my now husband during freshman orientation. We never lived together during college. He moved closer to my end of campus, though.

    There are three scenarios:

    This boy is THE ONE. You will marry him and it will be great. In this case, it won't matter if you room together or go to the same college. Each of you will want each other to grow and learn in the best place for you.

    This boy will break up with you. You will pick a college based on him and he will break up with you/you will break up with him. You will be stuck in an apartment with him and in a college that might not be ideal.

    You stick with the boy, but you limit each other. You/he don't go to the college you want, major in what you want or do internships where/when you want. You don't make new friends. You don't grow as much as you could.

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  • caliguy9999caliguy9999 10 replies1 threads New Member
    College is a formative stage of life. You will end up completely different on the other side. Don't make decisions based on who you are today, but make decisions that maximize your opportunity for personal growth. In short, don't make decisions based on the relationship.
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  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU 14500 replies106 threads Forum Champion
    One or the both of you are making this decision because you are scared to lose the other...either you will both grow in college and still be right for each other (no matter where you go) or one will grow more than the other and you won't and one will hold the other back.
    You are making this decision based on fear. Don't.
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