Traveling with your adult kids and their significant others

CountingDown · May 15

We may use FF miles for S1's airfare if he decides to come. Both Ss still have to let us know their schedules, and it's getting late. DH and I are all about having our ducks in a row well in advance, esp when it comes to overnight trains and ferries. It still feels hierarchical to be the one pulling out the credit card. This is part of why I was so glad S2 moved overseas -- he and DH needed to break that power structure with one another.

When we traveled with S1 and former DIL, they always had their own room. She was very introverted and needed her space, so they booked and paid for it. We paid for meals. Driving in a car with all five of us was torture for her.

shellfell · May 15

S1 makes more than S2 & we've tended to pick up travel expenses for S2 (S1 refused to let us do so for him even when he was a grad student). We've picked up the tab to family weddings, etc. for S2, but that's now changing. He seems to have enough discretionary income at this point to pay his own way when we travel together.

gouf78 · May 15

I’ve loved traveling with my adult kids. I’m not in charge! Everyone pretty much behaves and just enjoy the company. We plan stuff but no requirements to attend everything (pretty much the unwritten rule and no recriminations)

CountingDown · May 15

Are you all mostly traveling to a resort/one location and doing things there, or are you touring? Strikes me that the dynamics of visiting multiple places over a vacation are different from staying in one place but having a variety of activities that folks could go off and do, but then return together for dinner in the evening.

gouf78 · May 16

We’ve traveled Europe together. So touring and longer trips.

JHS · May 16

We have spent a lot of time at a shared family vacation home with kids and nieces/nephew and their significant (and on occasion less-than-significant) others. That tends to work fine -- people can be together or apart in different configurations as they see fit, though we tend to have dinner together and usually to do something together at some point most days. One niece's long-term (~10 years) partner clearly doesn't like it, however. It has been 3-4 years since he has come with her and their child, and he was hit-or-miss before that. (We like him fine. We would be happy if he came, but we have stopped asking whether he will; he won't.)

We haven't done much travelling with our kids and their spouses, other than going to one kid's wedding, which is something of a special case -- pretty much every moment was scheduled, but not by us. My wife is definitely a knock-on-the-door-at-seven, don't-waste-a-minute person, so touristing with our children's spouses would require some thought.

Bromfield2 · May 16

I have traveled with my kids’ significant others. Several times we have gone to destination weddings together, where all of us were guests. It worked out well because we were able to rent a place for everyone on AirB&B and attend wedding functions together. We have also traveled with older D and her spouse to visit younger D when she (younger) was studying in Russia. SIL was born in Russia and immigrated to US st age 5. Since he spoke Russian, he was a great guide. We went to Moscow and St Petersburg.

We have a vacation home in a resort area and all the kids visit fairly often. We don’t impose schedules—only rule is that kids need to let us know if they aren’t showing up for dinner. H enjoys cooking foodie-type dinners when the kids and spouse/significant other are visiting.

natty1988 · May 16

No, both kids are currently single. D had a boyfriend right after college for a while, but we never traveled with them. By that point D took her own trips or was working. And H and I traveled on our own. D also lived nearby so we would see her fairly often as it is..maybe if we lived further apart. I never traveled with H and my parents or with H and his parents. Sure, we'd fly to go visit them, but we never vacationed with them. We're all very close though. Different strokes for different folks..

cbreeze · May 16

The default is we pay for lodging and all meals, kids and their spouses are responsible for their plane tickets. My son and my son-in-law will offer to pay for lunches at times. We did this a few times on overseas vacations.
Last vacation was at our summer house. DIL brought her parents as well. We provided lodging (our house) and I made lobster rolls for lunches on the days we ate in. We also paid for dinners at restaurants. In-laws never paid but it doesn't bother me because over the years they have been feeding my son more often since they live closer.

My Dad used to pay for everything on family vacations and I am very willing to continue the tradition. Our kids remember those memories fondly with their cousins and I want my grandchildren to share memories with us.

alwaysamom · May 16

We've done it annually for many years. Several times, my parents were also included. All have been great. I wish that everyone's schedules would coincide to allow us to do it more than once a year. My H and I pay for all. We're able to and are happy to do it.

TexasCollegeMom · May 16

My parents took my family and my brother's family on vacations for 10 years. It was very generous of them as they covered all costs and we went on some amazing trips and created wonderful family memories. The biggest stress was getting 10 of us on the same time frame to get out the door in the morning. I think talking the night before is critical. We don't have the financial resources to do this for our kids.
Our daughter lives in Amsterdam with her husband and we're taking them to Germany this summer. I miss my D so much that I expected to spend every moment with her. I'm glad this forum reminds me that they will need some down time away from us!
I've booked apartments/ homes where they will have their own room and we will have an area to cook together which we enjoy. We're paying for flights, car rental, overnight accommodations and groceries.
My son in law is great but he tends to want to stop for mid-day coffee breaks, order appetizers and more expensive entrees than we typically would order. I've told my daughter that we will run separate tabs at restaurants but give them them a set amount of money to cover their meals. I think this will help me relax when he orders all the extras and also allow him to order whatever he wants.
While I asked their input on the itinerary, I need to remember that he hasn't spent 10 years traveling with us and we need to create new traditionss.

gouf78 · May 17

I love traveling with my kids because we’re enough alike to enjoy the schedule. We’re up and ready to go without hassle. We like the same types of food etc. My kids are easier going than I am when it comes to travel so having them with me actually makes me relax more.

DingrasDad · May 24

New to this forum. We are traveling as a family (DW and 2 DDs) this summer. DD1 is bringing long time SO. Hopefully it will go well. it's an 8 day trip so we have days that we scheduled that we are together touring but there are few days that are "free" for the DD1 and SO. Just to give them a break from us.

For the most part, we are paying for everything except for their expenses when they're by themselves. We also offered to pay for SO's flight but he insisted that he'll cover his plane ticket. Which is nice.

Any advice for first time parent traveling with kid's SO?

fendergirl · May 24

@DingrasDad , do you know the SO well?

doschicos · May 24

Just completed a trip with my elders and it made traveling with my young adult kids seem like a breeze.

doschicos · May 24

"Any advice for first time parent traveling with kid's SO?"

I operate under the assumption they will be a permanent part of the family and try to be very accepting and welcoming.

I also think you are smart to schedule some time where they younger folks can do things on their own. We are each used to family members quirks and idiosyncrasies but non family members aren't. So good to give them a break for a bit.

momofsenior1 · May 24

We did ski vacations with both sets of parents when we were young. It think it was fun because there was a clear activity focus and everyone was usually exhausted by the end of the day.

We have also done beach vacations which have been very stressful.

I think at this point, I would be open to a family cruise since there can be a lot of autonomy on a ship but not much else. We just have very different priorities on vacation.

jym626 · May 24

@momofsenior1 - Agree that the ski trips are fun. We did a cruise and that was fun too. A good mix of together time and separate time. Haven't done a family beach trip, but we do go out to visit them and the grandbaby as often as they will let us, but worry that we get in their hair. But with the time difference we are awake early and get up with the baby and they can sleep. Win, win!

stradmom · May 24

Following this with interest. Have travelled with my own kids, but would like to do a "family trip" with S and his (one month out) new wife. I like the idea of establishing group times/meals and independent other times.

1214mom · May 24

We have only traveled with one SO, but it went really well. Fortunately she (SO) likes our family, and she probably enjoyed the trip more than my son. She hung out with all of us, and didn’t need him to be with her all the time. When we go on trips now, we usually have dinner together, and if we have an excursion planned we all tend to Participate. We usually pay for everything for the trip except if people go off on Their own to do things.

Traveling with your adult kids and their significant others

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