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When is the best time to talk about academic?
HillCountry
40 replies6 threads Junior Member
in Parent Cafe
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Replies to: When is the best time to talk about academic?
Somehow they weren’t interested in discussing academics while dining out, nor were we.
When we drove them to school, they didn't talk academics; we had a 7 minute drive. Typically it was reminders from them, all at once: My game is at "Springfield" High, which of you is coming? Can you guys bring some sandwiches (water, fruit, etc.) for us? Don't forget about the uniforms. Prom tickets are ___. Can you get my racquet restrung? I need more resin. You're driving the carpool this afternoon."
And I understood not a word.
What is there to talk about? Of course kid was going to college. He's gifted and independent so there was no need to discuss his future academics. HS was a matter of signing the form for next year's classes and often being pleasantly surprised with his choices there and in college when no parental input was required. It was interesting to see how his interests evolved since he did well in all academic fields. We also had good finances so there was no strategizing for getting good grades to get scholarships.
Atypical. But I presume ours was not the only rebellious teen who would not talk with parents as well. The teen brain does not want to hear how it is important to get top grades even though bored- we finally found out about that boredom after college. Online stuff available after his time.
VeryHappy- H and son can discuss math and physics but those are not my likes (chemistry major undergrad). Plus I had forgotten so much by then through lack of interest and using what I had learned when son took classes. Have rediscovered the differences between research and development with my adult son as he has explained his current path/plans in rare phone calls.
The best time was basically never when son was a teen.
Once a baseline was established (GC meeting led to list of parameters and preliminary college list), info now is shared only on a need-to-know basis. And that goes only one way - from him to us. This only includes some movement on or off the college research list. Or involves a request involving credit card security codes. Our opinions on anything are irrelevant. Occasionally the vice grip on the pipeline is opened up to allow a single question from one of his parents, but this is allowable only if it involves his obtaining something of importance, like ‘would you rather fly to College X in the morning or evening?’ Any question which is not of that nature is immediately shut down.
My older kids call me almost daily worth critical issues like....’how do you hide nail holes from the wall when you move out?’ Questions like that we are entrusted with. ‘How should I spend potentially a couple hundred thousand dollars of my parents money in choosing where I will spend the next four years of my life and launch my career?’ Nope, we don’t make the cut on that one.
Are you looking for a daily time to talk academics? Or just once in a while?
I agree with the student above. Dinner time in our house was family talk...not academic talk. Occasionally a school related conversation took place...but mostly we shared what we did during that day, plans, etc.
Car rides...frankly when I drove my kids, they rested or slept.
It seemed the conversations flowed better and the kids were more engaged when they were able to lead/guide it.