right arrow
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04

Should I bring a current relationship into College

RjGrizzyRjGrizzy 5 replies1 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6 New Member
Hello

So my question is, my current girlfriend and I already have been talking about continuing into college but I wanna know if people with experience that had done this, do you regret it? I do wanna break it up with her but she doesn't and wants to try to make it work. She is a year ahead and has already been through her first year when I am just going into college. Also we have sort of a LD she lives an hour away and when we go to back to school it'll be almost 3 hours. I guess i could try but I feel like I am just gonna want to meet more girls and have fun with out a serious relationship.What do you guys think I should do?

Thanks, Ryan

19 replies
· Reply · Share

Replies to: Should I bring a current relationship into College

  • oscar63oscar63 367 replies4 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 371 Member
    Sounds like you are done, end it.
    · Reply · Share
  • momtogirls2momtogirls2 753 replies4 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 757 Member
    You seem to have answered your own question - you don't want to start college with a serious relationship. There is no sense staying in a relationship you don't want at this point in your life since a relationship is based on two people wanting to be together not just one person. It needs to be mutual in a real way not a faked mutual relationship.
    · Reply · Share
  • svlab112svlab112 533 replies6 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 539 Member
    It’s okay to end the romantic relationship even if she wants to stay together. Agree letting her know sooner than later is better.
    · Reply · Share
  • MWolfMWolf 1222 replies8 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,230 Senior Member
    If you are interested in meeting new girls, it means that you are interested in ending the relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, whatever the reason for this is. At this point, staying in the relationship would be wrong for both of you.
    It is not fair for either of you. You should not stay in a relationship out of a feeling of obligation, and she should find a relationship with somebody who wants to be with her.

    She is wrong. "Making it work" is what you do when both parties are interested in staying together, but there are external or internal issues that make this difficult. If one of the parties is not interested in the relationship, there is nothing that can work. You can make a car work if there is something wrong with the engine, but not if the engine has been removed.

    Do your very best to end it well - be polite, respectful, and kind. However, end it.
    · Reply · Share
  • RjGrizzyRjGrizzy 5 replies1 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6 New Member
    Thank you guys this helps a lot.
    · Reply · Share
  • bopperbopper 13919 replies98 discussionsForum Champion CWRU Posts: 14,017 Forum Champion
    One thought is that she made it work as much as possible when she went to college...why can't you do the same thing? Why didn't you break up with her before she went to college? If you break up with her now, she wasted a year on you.

    on the other hand....

    This is what usually happens with HS Boyfriends/Girlfriends:

    You swear YOU TWO ARE DIFFERENT! You can make it work!
    At first you facetime every day!
    But then you realize that is annoying to your roommate/you have no privacy so you try to find times to facetime when your roommate isn't there.
    But you have classes and he has classes and you joined that club and he is on the intramural soccer team so maybe we can talk on Tuesdays.
    He has that co-ed group of friends he goes out on weekends with and you have your group from the dorm.
    Oh, here comes Fall break...but his is at a different weekend than yours so you can't get together...
    There is that one person in the group that you/he kind of likes...but you have girl/boyfriend!
    Why isn't he talking to you as often? or Why are you looking at excuses not to talk to him?
    So you look forward to thanksgiving...but by then you are kind of really into that other guy/he is really into that other girl and you kind of get together over break and ooohhhhh noooo you have a fight about not talking as much anymore and you break up.
    It's called the Turkey Drop.
    · Reply · Share
  • TQfromtheUTQfromtheU 1540 replies17 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,557 Senior Member
    Tell her you are both young and you aren't ready for a life commitment. That you would like to end this as friends, without hard feelings. There is nothing to work out. And don't be guilted into pretending to be in a relationship when you have effectively left already.
    · Reply · Share
  • RjGrizzyRjGrizzy 5 replies1 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6 New Member
    edited June 11
    Wait i forgot to mention we only have been dating for about 5 months now. No full year but yes I will just have to end it. I made the mistake of my mom talking me into giving it a try oops, my mistake. I will have to take the fall on this one and explain to her it.

    Ryan
    edited June 11
    · Reply · Share
  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 1471 replies25 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,496 Senior Member
    At your age if you are having to "try", it's time to end it. If it's meant to be the two of you will reconnect down the road. When you are 18 relationships should be easy. This one is too complicated and you need to meet new people and have fun without the constraints of a long distance relationship.
    · Reply · Share
  • LindagafLindagaf 8973 replies485 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 9,458 Senior Member
    It doesn’t matter if it’s been five weeks, five months, or five years. For you, it’s over. End it quickly. Yes, it’s not fun, but it’s part of life.
    · Reply · Share
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri 8556 replies315 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 8,871 Senior Member
    edited June 12
    Making a long distance relationship work means two people who want to date each other figuring out things like who's doing the traveling and when. It's no longer a real relationship if both parties don't want to be in it, so there's nothing to work on.



    I made the mistake of my mom talking me into giving it a try oops, my mistake. I will have to take the fall on this one and explain to her it.
    If you don't want to date her the kindest thing you can do is to (nicely) break up with her. Don't mention the freedom you'll have at college or the opportunity to date others.

    And do NOT tell her you only dated her because your mom talked you into it.

    Just tell her honestly that you've had a great time together but you don't want to date her anymore. You don't need to explain why, and it's really better not to try even if you're asked. The only reasonable answer is because you don't want to.
    edited June 12
    · Reply · Share
  • suzyQ7suzyQ7 3933 replies55 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 3,988 Senior Member
    End it
    · Reply · Share
  • RjGrizzyRjGrizzy 5 replies1 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6 New Member
    Its done :(

    Ryan
    · Reply · Share
  • RandyErikaRandyErika 474 replies5 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 479 Member
    It’s time to make some of your own decisions. To be brutally honest, who cares what your mom thinks about it? The only thing that matters less is what we think. Think it through - you’ll make the right decision for you!
    · Reply · Share
  • LindagafLindagaf 8973 replies485 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 9,458 Senior Member
    Very brave of you, @RjGrizzy . But it’s the right thing. Best of luck!
    · Reply · Share
  • LuckyCharms913LuckyCharms913 1001 replies15 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,016 Senior Member
    Glad you made the decision now. D's friend is heartbroken after spending her entire college career in a LD relationship (they started dating in HS and like you, he was a year behind her) with a guy who broke up with her about a month before graduation. It was kinder of you to split up now than to string her along.
    · Reply · Share
  • bopperbopper 13919 replies98 discussionsForum Champion CWRU Posts: 14,017 Forum Champion
    I think you have made the right choice...and if later you both decides that it wasn't the right choice, you can always get back together.

    I would suggest not being in contact for a few months if either of you asks "can we be friends."..Heal from the relationship first.
    · Reply · Share
  • CollegeSoteriaCollegeSoteria 19 replies0 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 19 Junior Member
    If you wanna believe its impossible it will be. People like to make excuses and say oh LDR is too hard, you can't make it through college. Those are just excuses to end it. If you genuinely want to make it happen it will happen but don't do it if you don't actually want it. Go into it fully invested and it will work.
    · Reply · Share
Sign In or Register to comment.

Recent Activity