First, you must remember that the essay is only 650 words. The type of writing you are describing is very difficult to shape into such a short piece.
Secondly although you personally admire and appreciate your writing style, IMHO, you must ask yourself, if others can not understand what I am trying to say, is it truly effective? The purpose of writing is to be able to convey thoughts to others.
At the very least, work with a good English teacher on your essay and maybe you can shape your stye into an essay that would be a successful for a college application. Good luck!