risky college essay subject
ilovebio5
2 replies3 threadsRegistered User New Member
hi! i'm a rising senior planning to apply as a neuroscience major. the reason I am interested in neuroscience is due to the neurological issues I've faced in my family, specifically my brothers drug addiction (an actual hospitalization needing addiction). i wanted to write my common app essay about this and how it changed me etc. but I wasn't sure if it was too risky. please help! 
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Replies to: risky college essay subject
Picture the reader as deciding, based on your essay, whether he/she would like you as a roommate, judging whether and how you would contribute to the campus community or greater community, and answer some other unspoken questions. Show, not tell.
There are other posters on these boards who are real experts at this. Hopefully they will chime in.
@Lindagaf ?
additional words: i would say how it peaked my interest in neuroscience and changed me for the better, however i have pretty good stats gpa-4.41 and sat- 1410 but im retaking and sitting at a 34 for the act. i have many neuro ecs and activities and i attend a medical program every other day. im scared that writing my essay on this topic, therefore, may actually hurt my chances. but also it makes me a unique applicant with an actual interesting story- something that some of the more selective colleges look for. thanks again it is deeply appreciated.
Saying it "changed you for the better" isn't showing how. They need to see it for themselves. That's not just attending a program- but we don't know what this program is or what you actually do.
And how has this "change" let you have some impact on others? How does it make you a better candidate for the sort of mix of traits they want in the class. HInt: it's about the 4 years there, not future career ideas.
So, think about it, learn what they're looking for.
And they won't be looking at weighted GPA. They look at the transcripts, see the coures and grades. The look at the subscores, not just Composite. Make sure you understand the nature of the ECs they want, too. Depth and breadth, and more.
Sadly, the fact of having a family member with an addiction issue doesn't make you at all unique: the CDC estimates that In 2017 there were 1.7 million people were struggling with narcotics addictions.
But the more important thing- and it's worth saying clearly for any other students trying to figure out college essays- is the difference between 'novel' and 'interesting'. AO's *definitely* want an interesting essay- as you would, if you had to read hundreds of essays! but, it's not an arms race to see who can get the most unusual topic.
At a recent college presentation with 4 or 5 reps from tippy-top colleges an AO was trying to make the point that it's not how unusual the facts are, it's how you tell the story. He gave the example of a student writing an essay about a time in which they clearly and unequivocally, with objective evidence, literally saved a human life/lives at serious risk to themselves. That is a rare and impressive achievement, no doubt! but that AO said that s/he had read similar essays at least a dozen times- and every other AO on the panel agreed that they had as well. The AO went on to say that only a couple of those essays were actually *good* essays, b/c it is so formative an event in the student's life that they don't necessarily have enough perspective yet to know how it has shaped them going forward. It's just too soon.
Every AO / Admissions Dean I have ever heard, including those from the fanciest of names, has emphasized that totally ordinary topics can be just as compelling essays as dramatic ones.
So: write the essay you want to write, then go through it and eliminate every mention of your brother. Does the essay still make sense overall? As @Groundwork2022 pointed out: the essay is about you, not your brother.
The goal is to make sure that the essay shows* something about you, and where you are going. Be sure to think of it in terms of your overall application: the AO will see your ECs, so they will already know the facts of what you are doing. Your essay is where you add dimension, personality, color to the facts: who this person is and how they will fit into the overall class and the school community that the AOs are building. That's why, as @lookingforward pointed out, it is important to know what a given school is looking for in particular.
*You have probably heard it too many times, but 'show don't tell' is the name of the game.
At the end of your essay, you want them to be able to think "I like this kid and I want him at my college." That's what it really comes down to. This is your sales pitch. So I suggest you write about something that makes you feel good about yourself and something that is positive. They will know about your courses, EC's, intended major, and grades and test scores. What don't they know about you? Tell them about that.
Was there "one" experience that you had when the light bulb went off for you? I wouldn't state changing you for the better also. That implies something needed to be changed. Did any of your extra ec work focus on mental health or a tie in?
Do the schools your applying for have research /medical /mental health programs. Are there clubs /activities that speak to you. Is there courses that you find intriguing?
Your opening needs to be strong and then circle back to you.
My daughter did the taboo essay on death. Both her grandmother and great grandmother passed a few days apart. Her opening was incredibly strong and you wanted to learn more. Then it swung to her mother and the attributes that made her who she is as the 4th generation. It all related to her major but I warn you. She is an absolutely great writer 😉. She can make a phone book interesting (are there still phone books)?.
I would just start writing and see where it takes you. If you have another topic do the same and see which one tells a better story about you.
If this does not end up being your main Common App essay, you can still work in pieces of the experience in many of the supplemental essays you'll be writing for top schools. For example, if you're asked why you're pursuing a specific major or even why X school.