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My Thoughts After My First College Application Mental Breakdown
nomood
206 replies24 threads Junior Member
So I just had my first mental breakdown from college applications. I just finished and submitted and payed for my Stanford early app. A combination of stress and frustration just made me feel "Why am I doing this?" and "Nothing even matters."
Then I went and cried for an hour and my dad came and hugged me and we talked it out. I want to write out my thoughts and maybe help someone who might be going through the same thing.
Basically, my entire high school career has been dedicated to getting into college. I took classes that I thought would help me get into college. I joined clubs that I thought would help me get into college. I kept volunteering at a place that made me miserable because I had already been volunteering there for a long time and staying would show dedication.
I wish I took the classes that I wanted to take. I wish I took Marine Biology instead of AP Pysch. I wish I took APES instead of AP Stats. I wish I took Regular English instead of AP English.
I wish I joined anime club and Kpop club.
I wish I quit volunteering at that place earlier.
I wish I got a job during summer instead of going to expensive summer programs that were admittedly fun but had no purpose other than being able to write about it in a college essay.
Basically I wish that I had lived my high school career for me instead of for college. I wish I did what I wanted to do so I don't have to regret that I didn't do it now.
But I know that I have to move on, so I will. I'll have some mint tea and listen to magic shop by bts and I'll feel better.
Anyway, writing this out made me feel better and I hope that if someone else is going through this they'll also feel better.
45 replies Then I went and cried for an hour and my dad came and hugged me and we talked it out. I want to write out my thoughts and maybe help someone who might be going through the same thing.
Basically, my entire high school career has been dedicated to getting into college. I took classes that I thought would help me get into college. I joined clubs that I thought would help me get into college. I kept volunteering at a place that made me miserable because I had already been volunteering there for a long time and staying would show dedication.
I wish I took the classes that I wanted to take. I wish I took Marine Biology instead of AP Pysch. I wish I took APES instead of AP Stats. I wish I took Regular English instead of AP English.
I wish I joined anime club and Kpop club.
I wish I quit volunteering at that place earlier.
I wish I got a job during summer instead of going to expensive summer programs that were admittedly fun but had no purpose other than being able to write about it in a college essay.
Basically I wish that I had lived my high school career for me instead of for college. I wish I did what I wanted to do so I don't have to regret that I didn't do it now.
But I know that I have to move on, so I will. I'll have some mint tea and listen to magic shop by bts and I'll feel better.
Anyway, writing this out made me feel better and I hope that if someone else is going through this they'll also feel better.
Replies to: My Thoughts After My First College Application Mental Breakdown
And wherever you attend college, follow your interests, not what you "should" do for grad school or a career. Because it is in your passions that you will find joy...and your best career.
Just remember, the road not taken often is viewed in a better light, rightly or wrongly.
Good luck with your senior year, wherever you go, you will be fine.
I agree with @tkoparent that it is good you are learning it now rather than later. You are going to have to make a lot of tough choices in life. If you always choose based on "it's something I must do" or "it is expected of me" then you will always have regrets. I think another thing to consider is "what is good enough" and it doesn't always need to be the best. The chance of getting into Stanford is very low for everyone. Maybe you'll end up at Berkeley, Cornell, Tufts...next tier down. Would it be really disappointing to you? I am speaking as a parent with high achieving 26 & 30 yr olds. Both of them are at the height of their chosen paths, but I spend most of time in trying to tell them to relax and enjoy their life a bit more.
Good luck with your college application. Have all of your RD applications ready in case the Stanford option doesn't work out. It won't be fun to do 10+ applications over the winter break.
Much of our society seems to value acceptances at certain schools as an achievement to tout over all other things, including your happiness.
I applaud your coming to terms with this now. You will have a much better experience in college and more importantly, in the rest of your life for discovering this now.
Enjoy your tea! and the take a deep breath, you've earned it.
Know that you will be fine @nomood. Good luck.
Do you know what you want in a university? People here can help suggest some schools if you have any questions.
One daughter was interested in marine biology at one point, so I happen to have some ideas for schools that are good at it. However, since we live in the northeast of the US, most of the ones that I know of are in the northeast of the US or the eastern part of Canada.
Don't discount your hard work and contributions to your community.
I'm sorry you weren't happy all four years, but it sounds like you were productive, did the right thing (even if it was for the wrong reason), you helped some people by volunteering, and learned a lot about yourself in the four year process. That still sounds like a decent outcome to me. You worked hard in high school so as to have lots of choices for colleges, and I bet you will. I hope you will be able to explore marine biology, anime, and kpop - and more - while there. You didn't get a say in the rules of the game, but if you're a worthy candidate to Stanford, you must have played it well. Let go of your regrets lest they hold you back from going forward. You have a lot to be proud of and lots of your future still left to be lived. Good luck and enjoy the journey!
Everyone has heard of MIT hacks, huge sports rivalries, lots of bonfires, the usual concerts and a litany of Greek hazing idiocy, but Google these things to see what less popular nonsense can be had:
Juniata Mountain day storming the arch
Taylor silent night
usna herndon climb
George P. Burdell
Or heck just go find one of the many lists out there:
https://thebestschools.org/magazine/50-crazy-college-campus-traditions/
Anyway, lots of fun stuff that makes one very good school different from another. Figure out what makes YOU tick, look at a bunch of places that aren't on the same list everyone is looking at, find a school that makes your heart sing. There's time to find a place just for you (and if it's not a tippy top elite place there might be more merit aid available as well.)
They did many of the things you did. But they enjoyed much of it and were glad to have some guide lines on what helps for college admissions.
I’m a bit sad about your feelings about community service. One place, that so much needs volunteers told me that it’s only court ordered and high school kids needing the hours that volunteer any more. There are so many places that need a hand , and I wish people would give one without a threat over their heads.
@cptofthehouse My school doesn't require any volunteer hours. I joined that organization because I thought I would like it, but in the end it turned out horrible for me.
My kid, who did take the classes she wanted, engaged in the ECs about which she felt passion, etc, was still unhappy over large periods of time during high school. From her sophomore year she couldn't wait to finish and go off to college. She is having a great time at college, BTW.
High school is an unhappy time for many kids, no matter what they do. Some kids are simply not built for high school. The ones who perform in high school as well as you did, despite being unhappy, rend to find that they really fit well in college.
A friend of my daughter hated high school so much that she took the heaviest course load she could (while continuing ECs), and managed to finish high school in three years, so that she could leave it and go off to college. She's a sophomore and doing great, BTW.
Do you want to study Marine Biology? I can tell you which colleges have amazing programs - programs which would love to have you. Although you were miserable in high school, you still put together a top quality profile. If you are rejected from Stanford, there is still a long list of amazing colleges at which you will be happy. By this time next year, it will be "High What?".
It truly gets better, and I predict that you will really enjoy college.
Someone said further up that the OP could have made different choices, we don’t know that. Maybe these were choices made or influenced by well intentioned parents.
You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. It’s going to suck at times but other times it’s going to amazing. Hang in there and good luck.