@Ohibro, thanks for your honesty. I would hope that by the time she graduates she will have developed some worldliness and independence to live wherever she wants without my hovering. But SHE, in fact, might be the one trying to get a job in our economically-dying little town, and I would be the one encouraging her to go out in the world. In fact, she could go to college for free at the local university where my husband is a professor, but I’ve said she needs to go away to develop independence (though selfishly I’d like her to stay by my side).
Yes, I admit to some helicoptering. Maybe a lot. But I have done a lot to say “jump in…the water’s fine!” I was the one sending her off to pre-school when she wanted to stay home…sending her to summer camp so she would know how to be away and make new friends…and I tried to send her to Spain to a summer-abroad host-family program…to no avail. She is the one to tell me that she dreads the first days of new situations (like summer camp) because she always has to explain to people “who she is” …like when people are surprised she doesn’t speak Chinese, and no one else has to explain their personal lives and thier birth and adoption. She is the one who decided not to take AP Human Geo because the teacher requires students to do a lot of class presentations on their family ancestry (which family?) and that type of thing always seems to lead to questions about private stuff (like her abandonment) that she just doesn’t feel like making public. Some people are enthused about that kind of self-expressions and some people are private… and both are healthy. But when you’re a transracial adoptee it’s harder to be a private person if that’s how you are, because people are curious. inside the bubble of old friends, she’s fine. She’s the one with discomfort of unfamiliarity, not me. And knowing that, I’m trying to do a bit of sleuthing.
A world explorer myself (two- time Peace Corps Volunteer on two continents, solo backpacker around West Africa for months, at a time when there were no cell phones or computers) I’m protective of her, yes…but I also have a personality that is geared to outward exploration. It’s natural for me to encourage my child to venture out. But I’m also aware that my whiteness has made it a lot safer and easier for me to do so. She’s a competent and yet sensitve kid. It’s hard not to have a measure of protectiveness.